i miss you (based on a poem by E.J.M)

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"strangely enough i miss you" (lines 1-2)

When they walked into the classroom, I was so shocked, I wasn't sure if it was them or not. It's been so long since I saw you and heard your silly jokes.

"Hey...we went to high school together, right?"

You look so different, of course in a good way, and I missed you.

That's what I wanted to say.

They smile at me, "It's been so long, nice to see you again." Grabbing their stuff to leave, "Since it's my first day, I'm leaving early to make sure I make it to class on time. I'll see you around."

"See you."

I missed you.

I can just tell how confident you have become, and I want to tell you how proud I am of you and how much "I miss you, but that isn't fair" (line 5).

"you like me at one point in time/and i liked someone else" (lines 6-7)

"I'm sorry...," I said truthfully. "I don't feel the same."

I saw their eyes sadden and I wanted so badly to take my words back because you're my best friend, why- how could I make you feel that way? I didn't take it back though, because lying to them would only be worse and I liked someone else back then.

I loved her.

"This isn't working out, I'm sorry."

My heart broke when I heard those words. What did I miss for her to say that to me?

"Oh...okay."

I thought you felt the same.

I thought she gave most of her heart to me like "I gave most of my heart to [her]" (line 9).

"but do i wish it was?" (line 13)

We didn't talk after that day, but I met them again at a friend of a friend's birthday party. I wasn't that close to her; we were just in a study group and partnered once in a class. It seems like she knows her more than I do. After she leaves, I think about approaching them when, I see they were talking to another person. They seem to like them; I can tell. She used to look at me the same way. I wonder if she felt this way when I was with my ex. Jealous, confused, and sad because "...I know it's no longer me/that you have eyes for" (lines 11-12).

"or do i just miss having you as my friend?" (line 14)

"She went to your birthday party, right?", my friend says to the girl before turning to me. "You should invite her to our little get together at your place, she seems-."

"It's they," is all I say before adding. "I'll think about it."

"Oh, I didn't know, I'm glad you told me before I made a fool of myself," my friend cringes at herself.

Lying in bed I think about texting her before I remember something:

"Please think about it though, I enjoyed talking to them," my friend chuckles lightly.

So that was you.

I remember the first day I met them. You were being bullied and I beat all of them up for you, I would do it again. I remember brushing the dirt off your pants, telling you it-

"It'll be better," I overheard them speak. Not to me, but to my friend. "Just give it some time. Hold your head high," they smile at her and she smiles back.

Those were good days. I miss those days.

"If you respond/it will be nothing more than a polite conversation" (lines 18-19).

"i know you probably don't want to talk/for the fear of liking me again is to strong" (lines 20-21)

Months later

Sometimes I catch them glancing at me for a little too long. It's like they want to say something, but they never tried to approach me. Like they were trying to stop themselves.

"Hey, did you want to come to over to my house? It's just my friends and I and we'll be playing games and watching movies."

"Oh, I'm actually busy tonight...sorry," they smile at me.

I could tell it was forced.

Now that I think about it, out of all the times we've talked or almost talked. It was me who approached them first.

"Perhaps I flatter myself/and you really just don't want anything to do with me" (lines 22-23).

"whatever reason you may have/still doesn't stop me from missing my friend" (lines 24-25).

Even though I still miss you terribly, I'll just support you from afar.

i know that isn't fair of mebut time has proven again and againthat my heart and feelingsdon't often connect with my brain– E.J.M




E.J.M Instagram: ella_writesbooks_

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