Short Story Collection

'Dear Emmy' (inspired by 'Falling Out of Love' by Yunseo Choi)

Dear Emmy,

"I don't know when wide-eyed admiration/started to turn into one-sided hatred" (Choi).

Maybe it was when I heard people saying things about you. Don't get me wrong they were compliments or supposed to be. But it made me think about you, you know?

I mean, I used to love you genuinely. Some small things bothered me, but I loved you regardless.

Actually, I think it was when I looked at you—like actually took a look at you. Yeah...that's when I saw all of your flaws.

When I realized how much was wrong with you, I started to resent you...a lot. So, I started to hurt you. I know this isn't an excuse, but I just kept thinking about it and it bothered—still bothers me.

What's wrong with you? No. Why can't you change what's wrong with you? That's all that I could think while you were so busy trying to love me.

"[I] hung on with claws digging into [your] neck, /but [you were] already gone" (Choi).

You were so desperately trying to make yourself change for me while also taking care of me and I was ignoring you because it was too late for me. For the both of us.

I just couldn't stop I couldn't and Emmy I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that if I could, I wouldn't change a thing. I would keep trying to change and fix you no matter how much you tried to stop me, I would've kept knocking and knocking until I couldn't anymore. I could see the light in us dimming and I didn't care because I needed it. It wasn't a want anymore; it was something I needed, and you understand that right Emmy? It's not like you can leave me, not that you would want to because you care too much.

Well, that's what thought until you did leave. You were so loving towards me. Too loving. You were so loving until you couldn't love anymore.

"And I knew I had lost you" (Choi).

I pulled the last straw for you. You couldn't love me if you wanted to. I internally begged for you to stay, surprising myself.

Don't leave me, I need you. We need each other, don't we?

I did need you, but I had too much pride to actually beg for you to stay. Not that you would've.

You were too gone–too damaged to even feel like caring. I couldn't even be mad at you anymore Emmy because I would leave too.

"'You were everywhere except where I needed you to be.'" (Choi).

That's what you said to me when you finally came back. You couldn't stand it. The way we needed each other, you just couldn't stop thinking about it. You said you kept 'seeing me in other people'. It's like you knew that's what I wanted to be. What I wanted us to be. I think you did and that's how you lost me. I wanted something so bad; you wanted it too and you hated me for it. I hate that you hated me too. You were supposed to love me.

"I think that's when [I] died" (Choi).

This was supposed to be an apology letter. I was supposed to be asking you for forgiveness, but I think I'll keep treating you like before.

First, I'll heal some of your wounds, and make you feel a little bit better. Then, I'll treat you with the same resentment, hate, and shame I always do.

I don't even think you know how to leave anymore and if you did, you wouldn't know why you would want to leave me. You wouldn't know a thing, because Emmy, you lost me, and I lost you.

Did you know that I saw you in other people too? Instead of making me sad, it made me even angrier at you. You were supposed to be where I needed you and you weren't. We just couldn't agree anymore.

I would say sorry for real this time, but I'm not going to. I don't even care anymore. Why should I? I'm you.

Sincerely, Emmy

Yunseo's Instagram:  writtenbyyunseo