The Girl That Disappeared

Word Set on Fire | KTH

You were taught that keeping quiet kept the peace. It only took 18 years to realise that the peace was never yours. Never was, and never will be. Predisposed to carry the baggage of the past, you were forced to keep everything afloat even when the murky water seeped into your lungs, stripping you of oxygen and the will to live.

Sometimes, the pain hurt so bad that you lost focus. Went nonverbal until the thoughts in your head were louder than the voices around you. But, what's the point of explaining your pain if you still get hurt? You didn't want to die, but you sure as hell didn't want to live. Not in this town. Not with the people in it. But the cycle continued. Like a broken record, it made you realise that life is harder than death. So, you grew to become compliant with the silence of justice.

While most kids cherished their childhood, melting into the warmth of their parent's love and embrace, you mastered the role of not acting how you felt. Wiping your own tears as your father blamed you for being a girl. Unable to give him a male offspring, your mother descended into madness. Scrutinizing every cell in your body, hating herself for giving you the chance at life.

As a daughter, you felt such anger towards her and the punishments she put you through. It never made sense to you, how a mother could betray someone so close to her, someone who shared her heartbeat. But, as you grew older you learned to have empathy for her as a woman. Because, now, it was clear that her life story resembled yours almost to the smallest detail. Like a blueprint, it followed the path of abuse, neglect, and prejudice.

Still, it never took away the pain of knowing that in their eyes, you would never be enough. Since the day you were born and your gender was revealed, a tide of misfortune was unleashed, drowning the precious laughter of an innocent child. So, it's okay to grieve over the person you could have been. If life was fair and grass was greener on both sides of the fence.

And, although you no longer spoke to your father after he lost himself to alcohol, somewhere deep in that aching heart of yours there was a part of you that forgave him. Because, despite the pain, for a moment there was love. For a moment, you were daddy's girl, that reached for his hands as you took your first steps. A little girl, that looked up to him, hoping to marry someone worthy of giving up his last name.

But, the more you forgive, the less you love. And, the less you love, the more you want to disappear. Do you want to disappear? Well, you already did, y/n. What happened to you? That night?

The night, Taehyung rested his head on your shoulder as you sat in chilling silence, feet dangling off the wooden bridge. He wasn't the affectionate type. At least not to you. But, in that moment, something felt different. He felt different. Like, the tension in his body could no longer suppress the chaos inside. So, as you gazed at the stars above, glossy eyes admiring the canvas of bright light, he envisioned EunBi in her celestial form.

She was only 13 when the fire consumed her frail body. When Taehyung lost the only person that kept him sane. Talked him out of multiple failed attempts, yet, ended up dying before him. And, every day since then felt nothing short of torture, as he carried the burden of outliving her. His precious girl.

One day, his dad left town for business and promised to come back before sunrise the next morning, assigning Taehyung chores to do in their family farmhouse:

✦ Feed and water the chickens + gather their eggs ⇰ EunBi

✦ Brush the horses ⇰ Tae

✦ Mow the lawn + rake the leaves ⇰ Tae

✦ Collect the hay ⇰ EunBi

✦ Burn the leaves and leftover cardboard from the storage room ⇰ Tae