Ugly Confidence

Chapter 1

My mother once told me that anyone could be beautiful, because beauty was only an illusion. It was constantly being changed and recreated with the evolution of society. It was seen differently by every single person, whether they were aware of it or not. Beauty was not tangible, despite how much people willed it to be. As scary as it sounded, beauty was left entirely up to interpretation.

That knowledge had set me free in ways I could only have dreamed of before. It transformed me into a new person, one who never doubted her beauty. From then on, I knew that no one in the entire world was more beautiful than I was, and that simple fact liberated me in ways nothing else could.

"Move your ugly ass out of my way bitch." An angry voice snarled, interrupting my thoughts. I rolled my eyes, when I realized it was Seth, an obnoxious boy from my history class. He never got tired of picking on me, but it was all good, because I never got tired of giving him the finger.

Doing just that, I made my way quickly to second period. I barely made the bell, because my tiny interaction with Seth set me back a bit. I sat in my seat, and tried to focus my attention on my extremely boring teacher.

"Good morning everyone. As you all know, you were assigned to read the first five chapters of The Catcher and the Rye, therefore we will be having a pop quiz."

My head snapped up at the mention of a pop quiz. Damnit. I did not even buy the book yet, let alone read it. What was I supposed to do now? Huffing, I took out a pen from my book bag, and mentally prepared myself to fail. Man, I hate English.

Mr. Rileigh handed out the quizzes, and told us to pass it back. I blushed uncontrollably when Malcolm, my crush of five years, brushed his fingers against my hand. My hand tingled in ways that a hand should never tingle. I steadied my breathing, and slowly took the quiz from him.

He looked at me with a concerned expression. "Are you ok Ava?" He asked.

I nodded my head quickly, not able to speak. Of course I was not ok. I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him. I did not mean to make this sound like a bad remake of Twilight, but it was the absolute truth. Malcolm was the lemon to my lemonade.

I tried to focus on the quiz, despite me thinking obsessively about the boy in front of me. I finished the quiz, and I let out a sigh of contentment. I was pretty confident that I got somewhere between an A and an F.

I spent the rest of class gazing at the back of Malcolm' head, wondering what it would feel like to run my hands through his luscious blond hair.

When class was over, my best friend Jenna skipped over to me from her desk. She was the most lively person I knew, and she had more energy than a kangaroo on ecstasy. I snuck a few more peeks at Malcolm before she began talking my head off, like she always did.

She must have noticed my lack of focus, because she slapped my arm. "Why don't you just ask him out?" She asked accusingly, placing her hands on her hips.

"I already did, remember? Five times to be exact. He just does not like me that way." I retorted, and sadly it was true. Malcolm made it very clear that he just wanted to be friends, and I respected that.

She thought it over for a little bit, and realized I was right.

"Well that's his lost Ava. You are a catch." She said, bumping me with her hip. I laughed, and bumped her back.

"I know."

By the end of the day I was exhausted. I lost count of how many times my head hit the desk during my last period class. The only time I stayed awake was when I caught glimpses of Malcolm out of my peripheral vision.