Birthday blessings ,for myself - April 2024

Birthday blessings - 2024

378 days later,an another birthday post.
12 days late,but it's never a big deal, it's always "better late than never".

No words,can describe how this past year was the true definition of officially embarking on
your twenties.

Where others think you have become an adult,when you are just a baby that weeps over the silliest matters. Where others expect you to figure it all out just because you're an adult right now when you still don't even know what's your favorite color or food. Where any tiny mistake is absolutely yours to handle and if you don't act quickly and wittily enough the whole Earth will fall off its axis. Where they will keep criticizing you,no matter what you do,no matter what you say or how you do react, it's always you the problem.
I acknowledge that I often misspeak and honor all my wrong doings like an Empress without having enough courage to be accountable for my actions.
I often choose the wrong persons to love or share my deepest weapons and my hidden caves with,hurt the innocent ones just to empty my box of rage that I collected over my childhood.
I often choose the wrong path just because it offered a temporary sunshine.
I often panic and completely dissociate from this dimension that makes people fear me and build a belief that I'm an unapproachable eccentric young lady.
I often, quite often,trust the wrong people just because I'm a dimwit who sees her own light reflection inside of others. -- It has never been theirs,the light. It was mine all along. -- choosing to trust the wrong people just because I saw a dazzling light inside of them,when at the end I came to realize it was my own reflection all along,that enabled me to see magic even throughout the shattered pieces of every single broken wicked person I encounter.
I often choose dancing, singing or fantasizing about someone who only exists in rom-com books over praying or reading Quran.
I often choose to dance over sleeping,to overeat over not overeating,to overreact,to underreact,to not react at all when someone bullies me thinking I'm being the adult,to move on with time and realize I've been just doing injustice to my inner child who left it all to me to make her proud, including defending myself when I'm attacked by the amateurs and dinosaurs.
But that doesn't mean I didn't offer a helping hand when needed,I supported who needed support,I said the right words like it was my duty in this lifetime,I gazed at the sky and said Duaa EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Reflecting on the very first year of my twenties traps me every time in an uninterrupted run of self sabotage.
Reflection is good,but take it from me, don't overdo it, you might end up in an unending circle of 'what ifs' that will only cause you turmoil,and even worse,self doubt.
I haven't lived long -for the time being- to be in a position to give you sollicit advice, but I can say from up here that no matter what you think you can't overcome,or go through and reach the ending line unwounded,I promise the future you won't even think about those small stupid stuff,and whenever you think it's the end of the world, rethink of it as a beginning of something new, marvelous, magical and unexpected.
Every finish line will offer you eventually a new starting line.
Every folded journey will automatically be switched to an another journey to be lived,and learnt from wholeheartedly, too.
Every lost opportunity will be the price of something upcoming that deserves the wait.
Every heartache will make place for lotuses to bloom and colors to bright.
Every lost 10 friends will be replaced with a REAL one that will have your hands,back,and turn the worst days into the best ones.
My wish for you :
1 genuine friend,a man who will make your heart skip a beat,a bunch of laughters,a good cry from time to time,happy tears,sad tears,the experiences that can only be felt and lived once,good food,better body,good city,better house,good dreams,better days. <3

- Emna.