So this is the author hi I wrote this some time ago (including the note at the end) and its been sitting in a google doc (so ya it's kinda old but pretend its fresh) because SOMEONE cough Muddys_Pawzz cough (aka my now former publisher) ended up not publishing this for me... but it's aight cuz I can do it myself now rehehehehehehheehehe also go follow her if you haven't already
anyways anygays I hope you enjoy this thing that I wrote and if you have any suggestions on how to improve my writing or things you'd like to see feel free to let me know :>
-JJZ
Breathe in. One... two... three.
Breathe out. Three... two... one.
Again.
Breathe in, breathe out.
In... out.
Until the pain subsides.
My hands ball into fists as I curl up into a ball, my arms around my stomach. My eyes squeeze shut.
I fucking hate this.
My phone rings. I open my eyes. Reach for it, my fingers fumbling around on my bedside table. Look at the screen.
Austin.
I take a deep breath. In, out. Click answer.
"Hello?"
"Juno? It's me."
"Yeah... hey."
"Are you doing alright? Amani told me you weren't here because you weren't feeling well..."
It's not a lie. I do feel like shit, just not for the reasons he might think.
I feel a sharp pain in my stomach again. I have to press my hand against my mouth to keep from making any sort of noise that would make me sound like a wounded animal.
"You're not contagious or anything, are you?"
Unfortunately, this isn't a virus that can simply go away after a few days of rest. Hell, it isn't even a virus.
"No, it's... it's not like that."
"That's good, that's good... Well, if that's the case, would it be ok if I came for a quick visit...?"
Seeing Austin would probably make me feel a bit better, at least emotionally. He could help me take my mind off of... well, this.
"Yeah, sure... I'd like that."
"Really? Ok, well, I could come around..."
He continues talking, and I close my eyes, letting the sound of his voice wrap around me like a blanket. When we hang up, I do actually feel better than I did before.
________________________________________________________________________________
I peer out my window through the blinds. I see Austin walking up the driveway, hear him ring the bell. My parents aren't home to let him in, so I have to force myself out of bed to do it myself.
When I open the door, for a split second, I see him before he sees me. He taps his foot, rocks back and forth on his heels, stares into space absentmindedly. I see the moment when he wakes up from his trance. I see the way his face lights up when he sees me. I pray he can't see my face heating up.
"Hey! Are you feeling any better?"
"Yeah, a bit... come on in."
He slips off his shoes at the door and lines them up neatly with the others. I smile softly.
We walk into the living room, where I collapse onto the couch. Any energy I somehow manifested before was now gone, and in its place, more stabbing pain in my stomach.
Fucking hell.
I inhale sharply.
Breathe, Juno, breathe.
In, out. In, out. In, out.
"Juno?"
Austin. Dammit.
I look up at him, and see the same worry in his voice written all over his face. It takes all my strength to push myself up into a sitting position.
"I'm... I'm fine. Nothing to worry about."
"Are you sure? Do you need painkillers, water, anything? Barf bucket?"
My arm is still wrapped around my stomach, and its grip tightens. I don't deserve him.
"I'm fine, really. Nothing out of the ordinary."
"Do you have a bug or something? You obviously seem in pain, and I don't think any normal stomachache is supposed to hurt this much-"
"Austin," I cut him off. "This isn't a stomachache."
His eyebrows knit together, and I can practically see the metal cogs turning in his brain.
I take a deep breath. In, out. No going back now.
"I'm getting period cramps," I tell him. In, out. Stay calm.
"I'm trans."
________________________________________________________________________________
I try to look braver than I am. Austin's eyebrows shoot up, his eyes widening.
"Oh... oh. Ohhh."
I clasp my hands in my lap, look at them instead.
"Ok."
My head jerks up so fast I think I might break my neck. I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't this.
"Well... do you want me to get anything for you? Snacks? Water? Pads? Or tampons, I'm not sure what you prefer..."
I stare at him. He must sense I won't be saying anything anytime soon, so he continues.
"I mean. Whenever Paloma has her period, she has me go to this convenience store near our house and buy her snacks and shit..." Austin chuckles. "She can be kind of a bitch about it, though. Like this one time..."
He continues talking, and I lie down and listen. I let his words knit themselves into a blanket of warmth and comfort, wrapping itself around me.
He lets me squeeze his hand when the stabbing pain returns, and lean on him when I'm tired.
Whenever I need to breathe, he's the one counting the seconds in, and out.
And I feel like I can breathe easier.
Haiiiiii lovelies 😍
So uh ya this is a thing
That I have written
And I'm putting it into the world
When Juno came out to Austin, I tried to create a sort of sense of normalcy... if that makes sense...
I'm not trans, but I am gender-fluid and have a preferred (mandatory) name and pronouns, so I know what it feels like to come out to people, and the anxiety that can come with it
If someone were to just be like "aight" when I came out to them, I think it'd be refreshing cuz it doesn't need to be that big of a deal... if that makes sense... idk how to put my thinking into words honestly just bear with me
Even so, if there is anyone out there who is trans and has any suggestions as to how I can make Juno more authentic as a trans man (if that makes sense yk-), please let me know, I wanna get this right
Anygays I think that's all
As always, tysm to my publisher @Muddys_Pawzz for putting up with me and everything else
Thanks to the peoples who read my stuff, I hope you enjoy, I try my best <3
And thanks to me for putting in an amount of effort.
-JJZ
