expired milk | 𝐜𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐨.𝐥

Sweet thing, I watch you

Light had begun to blanket the room, slowly covering the fuzzy carpeted floor to cover the edges of the squared bedroom. The rays of sunshine had seeped through the sheer yellow curtains, illuminating the laying body of a girl, who laid on the floor blissfully unaware that a new day had risen, a new start. Her bed, untouched, laid beside it- a notebook with 3 post-it notes messily placed on it. Written were scrambles of words that onlookers that weren't the girl, who had written them, would be in utter confusion in hopes of trials to decipher them. 

As the sun had now harshened its rays, the girl squirmed under the light, groggily waking up and leaning over her legs, thinking of nothing, there was a certain emptiness that had surfaced in the girl's hollow heart that had begun to fester since childhood. Only a question remained in her mind, what would give her a reason today?

Sighing loudly she had drunkenly gotten up, wiping her mouth of excess booze that had stained her face from not cleaning it the night prior.

What a mess. She had thought as she looked around her room but in fact, the room was unscathed from her drunken night, the only thing out of place was that her curtains had been undone from their usual look.

"[Y/N], come down please, the bus leaves in half an hour!"

She knew that voice, that was the voice that had been the one to relay all her bad thoughts onto herself. The girl knew that voice from the bottom of her soul and the deepest depths of her mind. Every negative thought she ever had, that voice had been the one to speak it to her.

That voice was her mother's.

[Y/N] had debated, should she give a response back, let her mother know that she was awake and that she was going to take a quick shower, or just head straight to the bathroom, letting the slamming of the door be the woman's answer.

She had decided to go for the latter.

[Y/N] had gathered up her clothes for the day from a dresser that had been placed in many years ago. It was a hand-me-down that they had gotten from a neighbor. [Y/N] was in need of it as her room was the only room lacking a closet. Maybe if she had been well liked in her family, she could have gotten a say in a room she wanted. Maybe a closet big enough to fit evening gowns from masquerade balls, a bed so big she lay wherever she wished too and still be too small to cover the bed, or maybe a wall that wasn't rotten and moldy, where she could hang posters up of her fixations like normal teenagers do.

But [Y/N] had learned early in life not to dream big, to not reach for the stars as everything she wanted in life was unattainable. Much sorrow for the girl who only dreamt of childish things that were made to be seen as too big for her. (Made to be seen as a fantasy, how would a little girl like her be able to achieve a life that felt as if it were a dream? Or at least it felt as if she could only dream for a life like that.)

Slamming the door of the bathroom, [Y/N] turned the tap on and began cleaning herself. She noticed recently how lazy she had gotten over hygiene. She would avoid showering and during some nights she would skimp out on brushing her teeth (because she had not the energy, physically or mentally.) But the teenager had assumed many people go through that, the phase of emptiness and rotting.

Doesn't everyone recluse from life and all activities that are meant to benefit them? She hoped so, but she knew better. She was alone in her feelings of the world being too big for someone as small as her. Others had so much to do in life and she had nothing. If she hoped for something better, something worse would hit her twice as hard.

[Y/N] watched as the water had begun to fill the tub, looking at her reflection that constantly turned to ruin as more water began splashing inside the tub, creating inorganic waves. She turned the tap off, stepping inside and slowly indulged her body in the warm water.