This // B.E

I

Billie Eilish
saviour complex - phoebe bridgers

"Billie can you please put the camera down? you're in Math class not photography" Mr Bell rolled his eyes with a grin on his face as he heard students giggling.

Mr Bell was one of those teachers that would make comments to the kids that wouldn't argue back with him because he wanted to make his job easier by being on the good side of the kids that gave him grief.

"sorry" I mumbled as I opened my bag to put my camera in to prevent it from breaking when a group of kids gasped while looking in my direction.

"she's gonna get a gun out Sir can I please tackle her now?" Bradley, one of the best Wrestlers on the wrestling team, joked and although it wasn't funny people still laughed.

god I fucking hate this place...

I screwed my eye's shut and held back anything I wanted to say to him, if only he knew if I had a gun in here I would take much joy in blowing his fucking head off.

when I looked up, I saw one of the girls sitting in the group looking at me with sympathy, Her name was Cally. She had never been mean to me or laughed at any of the comments they made but she never seemed to defend me.

I glanced over to Mr Bell who was holding back a smile, even he didn't defend me and it made me feel so much more alienated than the others made me feel.

"fuck you" I mumbled and slumped back into my seat. Bradley slowly turned around with a look on his face that i couldn't read.

"the fuck you just say?" he asked looking alot more serious than before.

i let out a scoff and shook my head as he progressively grew more and more angry, "im sure you heard".

he got up and grabbed his protein shake from his desk and flipped open the cap, before i could react i was covered in strawberry banana milk.

everyone in the class let out oo's and giggles as i opened my eyes and looked at him, he looked so smug and proud.

i can confidently say i have never wanted to punch someone more than i do right now.

Mr Bell didn't say a word but instead raised his eyebrows and cleared his throat.

"billie would you like to go and clean up?" he asked clearly uncomfortable at the fact he had to choose between being a good teacher and actually do his job or stay in the good books of a bunch of 17 year olds.

i grabbed my bag and stormed out of the class making sure i hit bradley.

as i walked past i noticed Cally glaring at Bradley with a look that soon turned into a small argument, she was the only one that didn't laugh.

it was shit like this that made me wanna just blow a hole in all of their heads.

i pushed the bathroom door and walked in looking at myself in the mirror, my once white button down shirt now a slightly pink colour and the sweet sickly smell of the powder made me feel ill.

everyone in this school took me as some sort of joke, like i wasnt capeable of being just as normal as they are.

when the news got out that i wasn't on vacation and was actually in a psychiatric hospital, everyone thought i was a ticking time bomb ready to commit mass murder.

truthfully, as times passed i dont see why that would be such a bad thing especially considering if i was a "ticking time bomb" they would be the first people i would look for.

as i patted my arms down with the blue paper towel, the bathroom door opened slowly and i felt a pair of eyes on me.

"please don't tell me you're here to carry on what they can't" i huffed as me and cally made direct eye contact in the mirror.

she put her bag down on the counter where the sinks were and pulled out a large hoodie, i looked at her confused because what the fuck was she expecting me to do with that?

"i'm not, i'm really sorry for my boyfriend's action's hes a real dick and i promise ill talk to him." she started while fumbling with the strings of the hoodie in her hands.

"i know you probably don't wanna be wearing a milk covered shirt all day so i got my hoodie from my car incase you wanted to wear it" she held it out for me to take.

guilt washed over me for the way i spoke to her when she first came in, i looked at the hoodie and then to her.

she looked sincere, like she genuinely felt bad for what he had done. i didn't know she was dating Bradley, it blew my mind that someone like him could get someone like her.

why do all the ugly guy's get beautiful women?..

"you don't have to be nice to me Cally, i don't want you to lose friends for being nice to me." i mumbled as i continued to pat myself dry, the blue towels just ripping as they came in contact with my shirt because of how wet it was.

"nobodys gonna know it's mine" she shrugged "and even so, i'd rather help a girl out and lose people over it than act like nothing's happened, shit like this isn't fun and if i can help you i'm going to".

her words hit me like a truck, why did she actually seem to care about me?.

i took the hoodie out of her hands and held it up, a red "8" with white outlines were stitched into the shoulder of the hoodie.

i noticed small stitching on the sleeve and saw a name i didn't recognise until it clicked. 8 was Cally's soccer number and Bernard was her last name.

"your soccer number is on it and so is your last name, i think people will know it's yours" i smiled faintly at her.

she closed her eyes with a smile and shook her head, "i completely forgot my bad".

the sweet smile lingered on her face for a little longer, she checked her phone and soon it disappeared.

"i gotta go but if you wanna wear it, go for it" she smiled as she slipped her phone into her pocket.

"if you don't, my locker is 237..my combination is 4621" she held her elbow with her hand and slowly walked out the bathroom.

"thank you" i called out softly making her turn around and smile.

"anytime Billie"

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