The One I'll Be (JungKook Version)

Chapter Three

Ella stood frozen in front of her dad, who was yelling and hitting her brother. Her father, a veteran who returned from the army with severe PTSD and anger issues, was a man she had never known to be terrible. He always showered her with love, games, and gifts. She would miss him terribly when he was away and would wait by the door every night for his return.

Her brother, Ace Huntson, was a troublemaker. But it wasn't his fault either. He was a great brother to Ella, staying with her up at night when she couldn't sleep, reading her stories before bed, and teaching her how to play video games. But society had failed him. The friends and family they were surrounded with didn't care for his well-being. They taught him how to smoke, how to sneak out at night, meeting girls, all of which led to him dropping out of school. Ella's dad was furious every time Ace would come home late.

Ella froze at the scene, tears falling but no sound, no movement. She wanted it to stop—all of it. Her mom jumped in between in an attempt to lessen the hits on her brother and calm her dad. But it made it worse. Now she was screaming in pain.

Ella woke up from her sleep breathless, anxiety and fear running through her veins, her body shaking, feeling unsafe. She looked around her room and picked out five things she could see: the white oak desk facing the wall, the pink metal pen holder sitting on the desk next to her white lamp, her white chair in the same place she left it before falling asleep, the night lights around the room, and the lit "Music" sign next to the lit cloud-like shape. Taking deep breaths, she continued to complete the five senses coping skills she had learned from therapy. These techniques seemed to help Ella most of the time when she experienced panic similar to this.

The gym was a place where Ella could move her body and let out frustrated emotions. She worked out harder than usual, her body shaking, her arms and legs sore, but she didn't care and kept going.

"ELLA!"

"Girl, I've been standing here for the past minute trying to get your attention," her roommate Emily said, standing in front of the weightlifting chair. Ella worked out not to get a bodybuilding physique but for strength and some structure in her day. Ella's physique was quite impressive; she had worked a lot on her glutes, as well as her abs, shoulder blades, and back. Her arms had muscle but blended nicely with her body. She tried not to work on her arms as much as the rest of her body. She was afraid she'd have what she liked to call a "man's arm." Ella worried about her looks and how she presented herself. But the more she focused on her health, the more comfortable she had gotten in accepting her body.

Ella and Emily headed to class together. "Are you doing okay?" Emily asked, a bit concerned as they walked toward the classroom.

"Yeah, I just keep having some nightmares," Ella admitted.

"Oh, I'm sorry, that's the worst. Are you still taking your medicine?"

"Yeah, I'm trying, but it is what it is. I need to process things but don't feel there yet," Ella said with a slight smile.

Emily gave her a supportive nod, understanding the struggle her friend was going through. They walked into the classroom, ready to face another day, even if Ella's mind was still haunted by the memories she tried so hard to escape.

---

It was 1 AM as Ella sat on her desk chair, spinning side to side, lost in her thoughts. It had been a couple of days since she heard from JungKook. She couldn't get it out of her head how comfortable she felt whenever she visited his place. Maybe it was the studio and the comfort it brought her, or maybe it was him. Ella pushed the latter to the back of her mind, attempting to justify the need for him with the comfort he brought her. JungKook's tattoos were so memorable to Ella; she would love to trace them all night long. His dark brown eyes, his soft hair, the look he gave her, the way he treated her as if she were his one and only when they were at his place.