Toxic Angelness (Needy Streamer Overload, english version)

Chapter 1

Had she always been so lonely? Her head hurts.

How much were this time?

When it was going to be too much?

It didn't matter how much cough syrup she takes, how many pills she swallowed, things didn't get better. It was only like an small shot of happyness to her brain.

No. It wasn't happyness, it was more like if problems couldn't hurt her. She could only feel happyness when she was with... her. But P-Chan had her own things to do, she had her life outside Ame, even though they lived together, and she needed to stream.

She stresses me out anyway...

Even more when she lefts her on read. Was she so useless that she doesn't deserve a message? Ame always restrained from making a fuss about it, even if she did care, because it was always her fault. Everything bad that happened around her was her fault. The big scars in her wrists and her arms, were a living proof of that, nobody did those marks but her.

She felt a sudden urge to pick a box-cutter in that moment.

But she felt scared, because in that exact moment she felt that if she took one, nobody could stop her. How would it feel sliding in her throat? Or maybe sliding in some important vein she could have? One that if she cutted... the blood won't stop flowing until her body was everything but an empty shell.

- Ugh... - She really noticed that the effects of the pills were going out. Maybe she should only take cough syrup when she actually had a cough.

She wondered why P-Chan never stopped her from having an overdose, from taking again and again the happy pills.

Maybe because she knows that if she tried to stop me... i couldn't trust her, and i would take them anyways...

She could never be sure though, P-Chan was the first girlfriend she ever had. She never had a boyfriend either, all her love and sex experience, came from P-Chan.

..........

Where she was again?

Ame opened her eyes, and she found herself staring at a bluish roof. It wasn't her room. She felt light-headed, like she still had some sort of fog in her brain, stopping her from thinking clearly.

It took her some seconds realizing of where she was at the moment.

Well, that could explain the pain in her neck and back. She got to sleep (or maybe she passed out?) in the bathub of the small department that she shared with P-Chan. It was spotless as always, P-Chan always cleaned everything, unlike her, she really was so useless. Why P-Chan still was with someone so useless and worthless like her? She was only a drugaddict, a girl that cuts herself, with clear mental issues. Wasn't she diagnosed with bipolar disorder? She always thought that was just bullshit, but it was a good excuse to buy more pills.