Toxic Angelness (Needy Streamer Overload, english version)

Chapter 2

This was taking too long.

She needed to relax, P-Chan was on the way. That would stop her from feeling so... Alone.

— Ugh... — Right now, when the adrenaline had already passed, she started to feel that sharp and unbearable pain.

Ame looked at her right hand, trembling. It was swollen, blood was coming from her knuckles. It hurt, it hurt a lot. Her cuts were child's play compared to the pain she was feeling now.

She was an idiot. She already knew that, but it was inevitable to think about it, what would she do now? Almost all activities required both hands to be enjoyed, she could barely move her fingers, a slight movement and it felt like tiny blades were piercing the little skin on her knuckles, her fragile bones were probably shattered there.

She had never broken a bone to know. Ame knew very well why P-Chan was bringing a first aid kit and not taking her directly to the hospital.

They would intern her seeing her arms, seeing her mental condition. Ame could be many things, mostly bad ones, but even she knew she couldn't just fake a smile to the psychiatrist.

Seeing the state she was in, who knows, they might even detain her against her will, being a danger to herself and others.

Ame let out a small laugh. The worst part was that it wasn't a lie, she knew it very well, considering the intrusive thoughts she usually has, even against P-Chan.

Once she wanted to kill a baby because it wouldn't stop crying on the public transport. Sure, thinking it wasn't the same as doing it, she wasn't sure other people didn't think the same.

The difference was that she had indeed taken the cutter she always carried in her bag when going out.

It was P-Chan who had to grab her arm to stop her. She was going to kill him, she was going to stab him with the cutter over and over until nothing was left but an amorphous, unrecognizable mass that-.

Fuck.

She was bleeding from the nose again. Lately, every time she had those kinds of thoughts towards others, her nose would start bleeding.

Was her body addicted to bleeding? It wasn't enough with her wrists, her thighs, and now her right hand, now she was also bleeding from her nose.

Ame wondered if the overdoses had something to do with it. Yes, they weren't lethal doses. But something had to change in her physiology as an effect of them, right?

She felt weak, as best she could she stood up and went to the mirror in her room.

I'm a mess...

She had large dark circles under both eyes. Sure, sleeping uncomfortably in a bathub due to an overdose wasn't the same as her recommended 8 hours of sleep, especially if those pills weren't for sleeping, they just had a side effect, drowsiness.