This isn't right. How is this fair? I hold his cold hand on the open battlegrounds. Blood between our skin making the touch clammy. Stick. Cold. His blood was cold. I look at his blue eyes, once so magnetic now just dull. How is this fair. The dirt and rocks beneath my knees stabbing into me but I could feel their sharp edges stabbing into my skin. Pain. Physical pain. It's all I could think about. I wanted to hurt. I couldn't bare the emotional pain, so in ways this was better. A way to make me feel something other thank the way my blood has turned cold. Or how my heart is sinking. Or the way my throat was stinging from the sobs I have been letting out. I want to just feel one more movement from his still body. Just his hand tightening around mine. Or just a finger. Or just a tap of his thumb. I want to see him look. To be able to see me the way I can see him. I want his eyes to flutter just a bit. Or his sad smile to twitch. I want to see him. My satoru gojo.
