A Gangster's Gospel

Chapter 9: A Sinner's Desire

It was nearly midnight and Thaddaeus had unconsciously driven to St. Clementia without realizing it.

He sat in his car watching some people exit the small chapel before putting his glock and other belongings in the middle console. He got out of the car and entered the small building quietly.

The moment he entered the little church his eyes immediately found Jeremiah. He was perusing the aisles putting bibles and other religious books in the slots on the back of the pews and collecting trash in a plastic bag.

Thaddaeus felt himself calm down at just the sight of the man like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

Jeremiah's curly hair bounced with each step and the erotic way his hips swayed were hypnotic. The gangster remained in the shadows of the balcony near the entrance of the foyer watching Jeremiah work in the dimly lit church. The gangster smirked at how focused Jeremiah was when completing his tasks. He was diligent and seemed to take any task given to him seriously, no matter how mundane it was.

When Jeremiah finally finished his work was when he seemed to finally notice he was being watched. Thaddaeus moved from the shadows to a well lit area, well, as well lit as a dim church could get.

Even from where Thaddaeus stood near the foyer entrance he could see Jeremiah's face light up.

"Thaddaeus." Jeremiah said, excitement clear in his voice.

Jeremiah walked down the aisle towards Thaddaeus but the gangster took an obvious step back before Jeremiah got too close making the smaller man pause. A look of confusion crossed his pretty face. It made the gangster want to tease the young priest.

"Thaddaeus?" Jeremiah asked, now concerned.

"I just wanted to see you." Thaddaeus said, suddenly feeling like he shouldn't have come to St. Clementia, at least not after what he did, "And I've seen you, so I'll get going."

The gangster turned preparing to leave when the sound of footsteps made him pause and turn back to see Jeremiah had moved closer to him.

"Is everything okay?" Jeremiah asked, the smaller man's worry evident in his sultry voice.

"Everything is fine," Thaddaeus replied, "I just got back from my assignment."

Thaddaeus could see the wheels turning in Jeremiah's head as he processed what the gangster meant by "assignment". Thaddaeus desperately wanted to touch the smaller man. He wanted to hug him tightly, smell his sweet scent and feel his warmth, all of his warmth, but felt that in his current state he would be tainting Jeremiah.

The two stared at each other for a little while longer before Thaddaeus said, "If that's all you have to say, I'm going home."

"Wait!" Jeremiah said quickly, reaching his hand out and taking a step towards Thaddaeus who stepped back again. A hurt expression crossed the smaller man's face, "Why won't you let me come near you?"

The look on Jeremiah's face sent a sharp pang through Thaddaeus as he watched the smaller man slowly retract his hand. Balling his fist up and holding it near his chest as he looked away from the gangster with a sullen expression.

"I stink." Thaddaeus replied, thinking of how Jasper openly expressed his disdain earlier. Though the smell was long gone, burned away in a barn.

The look on Jeremiah's face clearly showed he was preparing to protest that response so Thaddaeus beat him to the punch by adding, "Like blood."

Jeremiah's body went stiff. His fist tightening, "Oh." he said so quietly Thaddaeus almost didn't catch it.

Jeremiah seemed to be contemplating what to say next but Thaddaeus just wanted to be done with the conversation. The gangster wanted to leave before seeing Jeremiah look at him with the look of fear and disgust he was familiar with seeing.

Thaddaeus didn't know if he could handle seeing Jeremiah look at him in fear. It reminded him of why he didn't like acting on his curiosities.

"T-The buses..." Jeremiah said quietly, breaking the silence. He didn't meet Thaddaeus's eyes as he seemed to stare at the ground.

The gangster felt a mixture of irritation and anger at that.

"What about the buses?" he asked in a clipped tone, unable to keep the obvious annoyance out of his voice.

Flinching at the way Thaddaeus spoke Jeremiah shifted his weight from one foot to the other as he seemed to be building up the courage to respond.

"The buses stop running after midnight." the smaller man said quietly, finally meeting Thaddaeus's eyes. The look in Jeremiah's pretty brown eyes was a mixture of fear, confusion and that little spark of lust.

Thaddaeus walked up to Jeremiah stopping directly in front of the smaller man. Jeremiah craned his neck to look at Thaddaeus.

"Do I scare you, Jeremiah?" Thaddaeus asked, peering into Jeremiah's eyes that were running rampant with various emotions.

Jeremiah swallowed a lump in his throat as his eyes watered.

"I don't know." he whispered, almost like he was talking to himself rather than Thaddaeus.

"That's not an answer." Thaddaeus retorted.

"What do you want me to say?" Jeremiah replied, his voice cracking, "Of course I'm scared."

Thaddaeus felt his heart drop. What kind of response was he expecting out of Jeremiah? That he wasn't afraid? Who wouldn't be afraid? The gangster had taken many lives, any sane person would be afraid. It was human nature.

Even though he knew it wasn't something he should be feeling, Thaddaeus couldn't help but feel the strange sensation of pain coursing through him. All things considered it was better that way. The gangster took a step back from Jeremiah but stopped when the smaller man grabbed his hand making him pause.

"I'm scared." Jeremiah repeated.

"I'm aware." Thaddaeus said, void of emotion as he stared into Jeremiah's captivating dark eyes. Even in that moment he couldn't bring himself to dislike the man before him.

If anything, Thaddaeus liked him even more, Jeremiah was honest with his feelings, even if it was hurtful.

"But the other feelings I get when I see you," Jeremiah said slowly, like he was trying to make sense of his emotions in real time, "they drown out that fear."

A tear escaped Jeremiah's eyes, rolling down his cheek. Thaddaeus instinctively reached out and wiped the tear away. He didn't remove his hand from Jeremiah's cheek as the bubbling sensation of happiness was trying to make its way to the surface.

It was clear that Jeremiah was battling his conflicting emotions. He'd been battling them for quite some time, trying to make sense of the chaos Thaddaeus seemed to cause within him. Completely unaware of the chaos he himself stirred within the gangster.

Wanting to cause further chaos the gangster asked:

"What do those other feelings want?" Thaddaeus asked, tilting his head slightly as he watched Jeremiah's eye darken with what he could only describe as desire.

"They want," Jeremiah began before pausing, biting his bottom lip innocently but the action alone provoked Thaddaeus, "I want you."

That was all Thaddaeus needed to hear.

Without a second thought the gangster took Jeremiah by the hand and rushed out the doors of St. Clementia to his Maybach.

Thaddaeus was not going to let Jeremiah go home this time.