𝐉𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐠 | 𝐁𝐥𝐮𝐞 𝐁𝐢𝐫𝐝 ✓

𝟏𝟕 𝐍𝐨 𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤

August 16, 2023

Limited freedom. Like a bird in a cage.

That describes my entire life. I was born to sit in a cage and wait to die. Fifty centimeters. That's all the space I have to spread my wings and fly. When I fly, I fall.

I try again and again as if I'm hoping that the bars won't catch me after all. But it remains hopeless. All I can do is sit here and watch people bend down to me, stare at me with their huge beady eyes and pretend it's the first blue bird they've ever seen.

I don't know what's so special about me that I should be locked up for my whole life. To have no freedom. To have no life. Then what was I even born for? That's the only question I still haven't been able to answer.

Yeosang's eyes got teary as he read these words. At first he thought it would be strange to read a book from the perspective of a bird, but now it somehow seemed far too relatable for him.

"So?" Yeosang looked up and looked into Jongho's dark brown eyes. "Pretty sad." he mumbled and closed the book. Jongho smiled slightly. "It will get better. It's my favorite book for a reason." Yeosang raised an eyebrow, "And that reason is?"

"No matter how hopeless it seems at first, everything always works out in the end." Yeosang wished he could think like that. But his situation really was hopeless. He carefully pushed the book in Jongho's direction. Jongho took it, then put it back on the bookshelf they were standing next to.

"How was your week?" Jongho asked and Yeosang's good mood automatically dropped. Jongho always asked him this question when they saw each other, but Yeosang never knew exactly what to answer. How was his week? Apart from being in his room every day, working for people he hated and having to live in a house with them, everything was fine. Yeosang sighed.

"Everything as usual," he mumbled and immediately noticed Jongho's scrutinizing gaze, weighing up whether his answer was meant to be positive or negative. "Do you want to go to the beach next weekend?" Yeosang's eyes widened slightly and he had to think about whether he had understood Jongho's words correctly.
"To the beach?" he asked. Jongho smiled and nodded. It was so sudden that Yeosang didn't even think about it and immediately agreed.

Lately, he had been seeing Jongho quite often and somehow he had gotten used to the fact that they were just friends and nothing more. But Jongho often did or said things that puzzled Yeosang and made him doubt all his feelings. He also got a tingle in his stomach every time his eyes met Jongho's and those were definitely not feelings for a normal friend.

Jongho's smile widened and his cheeks flushed upwards. It was so cute that Yeosang wanted to cuddle Jongho to death. At moments like this, there really wasn't much left and he would give in, forget everything that was right and just do what his heart demanded. But he didn't.

"You're staying with Wooyoung now, right?" Yeosang quickly changed the subject to distract from how nervous he was again. "Yes," Jongho said and his grin disappeared a little. "May I ask what happened?" Yeosang spoke cautiously. He hadn't asked Jongho yet, as Jongho didn't seem to want to talk about it, but his curiosity was now driving him crazy.

Jongho swallowed audibly and brushed a strand of his purple hair out of his face. "It's a bit complicated, but my brother is in debt and we had to sell our house." Yeosang was surprised. He had expected them to have had a fight or something else going on, but not that they had sold their house.

"Debts?" Yeosang asked. Jongho nodded, his smile disappeared completely and a deep crease appeared on his forehead. "I have no idea honestly. He said some guys at the club made a bet with him and he lost. But I've hardly spoken to him since I moved out." Yeosang noticed how Jongho's mood changed drastically. "Did you have a fight?" he asked cautiously, reaching out his hand but pulling it back in time. He couldn't touch him. He couldn't stand it.