A Thousand Deaths (Sumettikul's Universe Three)

{12} Let's Have A Better Day

“I thought you were born here in Bangkok,” I murmur. My mind races. What does this have to do with Jack? Bible raises the arm covering his face, reaches behind him, and grabs one of the pillows. Placing it under his head, he settles back and gazes at me with a wary expression. After a moment he shakes his head.

“No. JJ and I were both adopted in Chiang-Mai. We moved here shortly after my adoption. Som wanted to come closer to Bangkok, away from the rural area, and she got a job at the hospital here in Central Bangkok. I have very little memory of that time. Barcode was adopted here.”

“So, Jack is from Chiang-Mai?”

“Yes.”

Oh...“How do you know?”

“I ran a background check when you went to work for him.”

Of course he did. “Do you have a manila file on him, too?” I smirk.

Bible’s mouth twists as he hides his amusement. “I think its pale blue.”

His fingers continue to run through my hair. It’s soothing.

“What does it say in his file?”

Bible blinks. Reaching down he strokes my cheek. “You really want to know?”

“Is it that bad?”

He shrugs. “I’ve known worse,” He whispers.

No! Is he referring to himself? And the image I have of Bible as a small, dirty, fearful, lost boy comes to mind. I curl around him, holding him tighter, pulling the sheet over him, and I lay my cheek against his chest.

“What?” He asks, puzzled by my reaction.

“Nothing,” I murmur.

“No, no. This works both ways, Bui. What is it?”

I glance up assessing his apprehensive expression. Resting my cheek upon his chest once more, I decide to tell him. “Sometimes I picture you as a child... before you came to live with your family.”

Bible stiffens. “I wasn’t talking about me. I don’t want your pity, Build. That part of my life is done. Gone.”

“It’s not pity,” I whisper, appalled. “Its sympathy and sorrow—sorrow that anyone could do that to a child.” I take a deep steadying breath as my stomach twists and tears prick my eyes anew. “That part of your life is not done, Bible— how can you say that? You live every day with your past. You told me yourself— remember?” My voice is barely audible.

Bible snorts and runs his free hand through his hair, though he remains silent and tense beneath me.

“I know it’s why you feel the need to control me. Keep me safe.”

“And yet you choose to defy me,” He murmurs baffled, his hand stilling in my hair.

I frown. Holy cow! Do I do that deliberately? My subconscious removes his half-moon glasses and chews the end, pursing his lips and nodding. I ignore him.

This is confusing—I’m his husband, not his submissive, not some company he’s acquired. I’m not the crack whore who was his mother...Fuck. The thought is sickening. Dr. Flynn’s words come back to me:

“Just keep doing what you’re doing. Bible is head over heels...it’s a delight to see.”

That’s it. I’m just doing what I’ve always done. Isn’t that what Bible found attractive in the first place?

Oh, this man is so confusing.

“Dr. Flynn said I should give you the benefit of the doubt. I think I do—I’m not sure. Perhaps it’s my way of bringing you into the here and now—away from your past,” I whisper. “I don’t know. I just can’t seem to get a handle on how far you’ll overreact.”