Grave Sonata

ONE

Encounter

I solely believe that solemn music heals the soul beneath the dark abyss. It brings hidden magic to dive deep in eternal of the sole body of human. Maybe, for the reason that we have ears to listen and panels through our minds.

They said, our heart receives all the pain we got... but for me, it was the brain. The brain is the one who receives the pain and made our nerves deliver it to our heart for us to feel how it hurts.

So, how come all the pain I've got just lingers on my mind? How come instead of feeling the pain, I felt numb?

"Are you looking for someone again?" Narinig kong boses ni Eloise mula sa aking likuran. Kasabay nang pag-iwas ko sa kaniya ay ang pag-upo niya sa tabi ko. "Don't be too harsh to yourself, Riva. Until now, you're still searching for them." Umiling pa siya. "Para saan pa? They let them out of your life since you were born so just let them free from yourself."

I stared at my phone until it turns out black then glanced at her. "How can I?" nanghihina kong tanong. "I don't even know their names. Kahit anong gawin ko. Kahit pilitin kong kalimutan sila. I can't. My identity was like a string attach to them."

My biological parents. I don't know them.

People will always be curious why I got a blonde hair despite having parents with both dark and brown hair. My eyes are in shade of aqua. My skin was naturally cold tone and I have few freckles on my face. When I was still seven, I will always asked my mom from whom did I take after between her and dad, but she will always shrugs and will leave my question unanswered. They didn't tell me I was adopted, I just realized it as time goes by. From people's eye and judgement. Hanggang sa nakasanayan ko na iyon at natanggap na rin. Walang paliwanag kong natanggap iyon dahil wala naman akong choice.

I am never a Monasterio. I was just using their name because I don't have one.

Even my name feels like it wasn't mine. Even my life feels like I stole it from someone's life.

Napaiwas siya ng tingin kasabay ng pagtikhim niya. "The van will be here in an hour," she informed me. Tumayo na siya saka niya sinigurado kung may naiwan pa ako sa kwarto.

I sighed and let the baggage within me sulk. I stood from my seat and drink the ice coffee from the counter which I know, Eloise brought for me. Pinagmasdan ko lang si Eloise na tiningnan ang bawat sulok ng kwarto ko. Hindi rin nagtagal ay pumasok siya sa comfort room. Napailing na lang ako.

"Hayaan mo na lang ang ibang gamit ko d'yan," I commented as I got myself back on the couch.

"Are you sure you're not gonna pack your shampoos?" Mariin akong napapikit sa tanong niya. Jesus, she can't even think that I can buy a new one. Isa pa iyon na magpapabigat sa maleta ko.

Hindi ako sumagot sa kaniya saka ko binuksan ang phone ko. The seven key words welcomed me. Parents searching for their long lost daughter.

Mapakla akong napangiti at binura iyon sa search bar ko. Bahagya pa akong napahilig saka ko inilagay na ang phone ko sa loob ng bag ko na nasa harap ko lang. When will I ever move forward? Bakit ko ba hinahanap ang presensya ng mga taong wala naman sa tabi ko? Why do I always crave for something missing?

I know I shouldn't. I should prioritize the present. Everyone will advise me to never look back from the past. But isn't it too ideal? Na hindi tumingin sa nakaraan?

It was easy said than done. Like how we can't overdo overthinking the future. The past, present and future made us whole. If it weren't because of our past, we can't be standing here in the present. If it weren't because of the present, we can't forsee that we have a future. And if it weren't because of the future, we will surely cut off living the present.