Moon Sunhee, an economics and social science major returns back to her hometown after failing miserably to find a decent job in Seoul.
The thing that she regrets the most is wasting all of her teenage years chasing her crush, Kim Sunoo but unfortun...
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"Aigo..." I mumbled to myself amidst my coughs, my right hand firmly holding the dusty blue vase and the other clutching a dirty piece of white cotton cloth close to my chest, which I was using to clean the vase. A single knock on the vase with the cloth sent the dust particles flying into my nostrils.
It's been almost a week since I started cleaning the house, but still, half of it remains as dusty and dirty as it was on the first day I arrived here.
If it weren't for the money, I'd never be back in Suwon-si. However, speaking logically, I don't regret moving out of Seoul. It was becoming unbearable to survive there on my own without a permanent paying job. Besides, I found a reliable job here as soon as I came. I don't mind if the job involves taking care of this huge house which had been locked for God knows how many years to be this incredibly dirty.
I would also be doing a better job, like everyone my age, if I hadn't wasted my high school years on my crush...
No! Don't even think about him, Moon Sunhee! Once the thoughts of him start building inside my head, I easily find my heart drifting back to him. And I don't want that. I've already wasted a lot of time loving him stupidly, I don't want to waste any more.
Brushing my thoughts away, I neatly placed the vase down and made my way towards the living room.
A long, exhausted sigh escaped my lips when I saw the dirty couches. Looks like I'll have to wash their covers. I inched closer and rubbed my hand against them, only to find my fingertips turning brown. There's no way they're washable, they can only be replaced.
I'll tell halmeoni about them later.
I started wandering my eyes around, scanning the house to see how clean it had become, but my gaze came to an abrupt halt when my eyes fell upon the upstairs. A faint ray of light could be seen coming from the piano room, its door slightly ajar.
I remember locking it this morning. Who could have opened it? I'm the only one here. Wait, did someone break into the house while I was busy cleaning? Shit!
Ah! What do I do? I hurried back to grab the vase. The rapid beating of my heart and the way my lungs failed to draw breath barely went unnoticed by me as I firmly held the vase with both of my hands and carefully started to climb the stairs.
A direct confrontation with the intruder was all my mind could think of at the moment.
The door of the piano room flung open with a single kick from my leg. "You unlawful, little, filthy human, surrender!" I yelled with all my might, shutting my eyes while extending the vase in the air to scare the thief.
"Excuse me?" The voice of a male echoed. I immediately shot my eyes open. It had been 9 years already, but the awful familiarity of the voice pierced through my ears. I slowly lowered the vase, allowing myself to meet the other person's gaze
A sudden, sharp throbbing grew in my chest when I saw the man. My grip on the vase loosened as my hands started to shake. My legs grew wobbly, and I felt dizzy.
It was him- the only person I never wanted to come across.
"Uh, I came in using the spare keys. I'm the owner of this house... Kim sunoo," he spoke up with hesitation after a minute of silence, noticing the way I stood frozen in my spot. "And, who are you?"
His question hung heavily in the air, tying a knock across my heartstrings. Finally the words I was afraid to hear found their way to his voice, spoken to me. I had spent my whole teenage loving him and ironically, he knows nothing about me. My love... It had always been one sided.
"M-moon Sunhee, a caretaker of this house..." I managed to find the courage to speak up, fighting back my tears. "I just joined a week ago."
Even when I wasn't stuttering, my heart was stammering and quivering with every word I voiced. My throat felt sore, every word I had held back for years was choking me after all these years again.
He slowly nodded, his hand finding its way back to trace the black and white piano keys. "I would like some privacy, you may go." I quickly bowed, turning on my heels to leave as I closed the door behind me.
My chest heaved up and down as I struggled to catch my breath. I climbed down with my trembling legs and sat the vase I was holding on the table. My hands grasped the table's edge as I let my head fall down, feeling a sense of vulnerability take over me.
Seeing him again, the familiar ache of being the only one in love found its way back to me and it hurt more than before.
Why did I even have to run into him like this? It feels unreal and meaningless, as I almost had moved on from him, forgotten everything and started a new life. But he, along with all those bitter memories had to return back to me.
I'm aware of the fact that it was completely my fault that I never confessed and only watched him from afar. But was I that hard to catch sight of, even when I stuck to his side almost all the time? Even when I wrote letters for him?
Nostalgia, for everyone, isn't always euphoric. Sometimes it's all about a stinging sensation deep in the heart.
But even with a piercing heart, I'll stand strong and not fall for him again. I'll keep moving on from you, Kim Sunoo, just like how I was doing. And I'll also leave this job once I have enough money. I'll do everything to keep a fine distance between you and me.
I destroyed myself enough, now I'll grow out of my mistake and live the life I deserve. I'll live for myself now. I'll make better memories with myself for the future.
