Since I cannot update or make changes to the book, The Ellyrium Scepter, I decided to post the review I received from The Euphoria Awards !
I won 2ndplace for the contest :3
Thank you so much k00kiesandch0c0lates for the GLOWING review, it really made my day! ;-;
Total:72.5/80
Title: 5/5
Nothing to say about the title. It's awesome. Firstly, the word "Ellyrium" confused me. But then, after reading the book, I understood that it's the name of a city. The name is very unique and thrilling. It's really to my liking.
Cover:4/5
Okay, everyone knows that Wattpad is famous for blurring covers. I think your words on the cover are a little bit blurry, so I suggest you write the font a little bit bigger. The words on the top and bottom are really hard to see. I also faced this problem, but now I've improved it. Also, I think you should have a blurb/subtitle in your cover. Sometimes it works as an attraction to the readers, and sometimes the reader gets an idea about the book too. I also found a line from your book that perfectly works with your cover. The line is:
Beware what you wish for; the end might not always be pretty.
This line really suits the cover, and if you put this, the cover will be perfect.
[i REALLY didn't give second thoughts to the cover, but, i will be sure to add it]
Blurb:5/5
The blurb is interesting. You put the sneak peek of the story too. So the people can understand what the book is about, and if they want to read it, they can read it because they are already aware of what the plot is. So in this way, you've done well.
[one of my strong points really has to be about writing blurbs xD thank you so much!]
Plot & Idea:20/20
The plot is very unique. In real life, I read a lot of books, as I'm a book lover. But on Wattpad, maybe it's my first time reading original stories aside from FF. But this plot is really good, and it amused me. After reading the blurb, I can't wait to find out what will happen in the end. The open ending somehow disappointed me, but at the same time, it increased the thrilling and excitement of the readers. So the open ending isn't a problem when your plot is amazing and it suits well with the plot and works like a cliffhanger in the story. Overall, it's fantastic.
[it was supposed to be a cliffhanger hehe. the prologue and the "town" description add to the tale, but i believe the tale in and of itself is descriptive enough. i am really amazed that you liked it!]
Character Development:14/15
I think Jake and Brenda's character needs to be developed. I also think that you put the importance on Ellyrium City only, but you should focus on these characters too. If Jake and Brenda's scene added more, then it will fulfill the wants of readers. Other than that, I like Duke and Gregory's character development most. And you also describe the people of Ellyrium City well.
[my Achilles heel is word count, really xD i know i probably should add a few more descriptions about the world he does live in, but, considering the fact that 1) its a dystopian tale and 2) it was supposed to be under 10k limit. i really wanted to do something that'd justify the world than the characters. dystopian tales are mostly world-focused, you have something to flesh out the characters, but that's mostly it, world and social commentary is focused on more in this case, but again, i appreciate the critique.
if you're interested though, you can read the tales it was inspired by, The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas, The Lottery, and The Handmaid's Tale.
Given that this was my first attempt at a COMPLETE dystopian tale (most of my other works have themes, but not entirely) I think it still stood out and your glowing review is a testament to that. So, I take this in stride and I will try to make it better!]
Grammar:4/5
There are some punctuation errors. As an example, when you write anyone's speech, you should use " " instead of : , because it's wrong and it looks unusual and odd too. This is the thing that affects the visual most. And some spelling and grammatical errors caught my eye too. Sometimes you mix present tense and past tense; try to avoid this.
[i agree about the tense slip-ups BUT the dialogue was changed that way FOR A PURPOSE. not everyone's going to agree on that style, but, overall, i believe for the type of language and echo they had, i wanted to make it stand out, so, i mean, it may not be everyone's cup of tea, after all, but, it suits, it emphasizes the point that, they're not earth humans, they're human-like creatures on Venus.]
Writing Style:12/15
Paraphrasing and the details are okay, but you've got a problem with writing statements and thoughts. I think you can write a statement using " " and in normal font and a thought using ' ' and in italics font. It'll look better and be more presentable.
[i really forgot to specify the details and only realized AFTER i had submitted for the contest, which means, i really cannot make edits until its over, but then again, i'll be sure to specify it xD]
Pacing:3.5/5
The pacing is a bit too fast. If you add some more scenes and more words, then it'll be perfect. I think Jake's lifestyle in the normal world and his life with his wife, Brenda, and his children should be added. If you write some more words like 1k or 1.5k, it wouldn't affect the quality of a short story.
Vocabulary:5/5
The vocabulary is perfect. I saw you've added some unique words and tried to make the story rich in this category. So well done. Keep going and continue your writing journey like this.
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again, despite my difference of opinions and difference of takes on things, i REALLY appreciate the review and REALLY appreciate the critique, i will strive to be better xD
