Spring Day

Wei Ying, I miss you.

Ever since that fateful day at the bloodbath of Nightless City six years ago, that thought had been circulating through Lan Wangji's head every single day. Even though thinking that phrase made Lan Wangji miss Wei Wuxian even more, that didn't stop him from grieving.

As he entered the library pavilion of the Cloud Recesses, a scene from his youth played out in front of him at the very desk he'd been sitting at.

It was that day when Wei Wuxian had been kicked out of class by Lan Qiren and sent to the library pavilion to copy down scriptures. Lan Wangji had been tasked with supervision of the unruly youth, almost starting a fight because of Wei Wuxian's behavior.

He remembered, clear as day, how angry he'd been when Wei Wuxian, instead of copying down scriptures like he was supposed to be doing, decided to pester him, even replacing a book he'd been reading with homosexual erotica. Lan Wangji truly couldn't believe that he even looked down upon the beautiful drawing Wei Wuxian drew of him. The sheet of paper remained hidden in his room. Outside, Lan Wangji appeared to be indifferent, wearing an expression of ice, but inside, he was pained to think about how little he cherished the short times he'd had with Wei Wuxian.

Stepping back outside, Lan Wangji felt cold and empty. Despite Gusu's cool, breezy climate, the sun of late spring was shining through the clouds, enveloping everything in a gentle, warm haze, yet he felt like he was standing outdoors on a snowy winter night, wearing just a set of thin robes. The rest of the world was living in spring, but Lan Wangji was in an eternal-feeling winter.

When would he see spring again?

~

That evening, Lan Wangji performed his everyday ritual of playing Inquiry on Wangji, his guqin, in hopes of being able to reach out to Wei Wuxian's soul. As he got yet another session of silence, a tear silently slipped out of his eye.

If I'd managed to carry you away sooner, would I have been able to save you?

~

Lan Wangji bit down on his tongue to stop himself from crying in pain as the discipline whip of the Gusu Lan Sect made a sickening crack sound against his back. He felt the wet stickiness of blood trickling down from various places on his back as his uncle berated him while simultaneously striking him with the whip.

Lan Wangji didn't listen, nor did he look at anyone. Not even his older brother, the sect leader, Lan Xichen. When the final, thirty-third strike landed, he was dismissed. Unsteadily pulling himself to his feet, Lan Wangji staggered unsteadily to the cold cave at the back of the Cloud Recesses, entering seclusion. He entered a meditative state, shutting off his senses and closing himself off from the rest of the world to heal his injuries.

When he opened his eyes again, a voice sighed, "Even you can't evade punishment, Lan Zhan. Lan Qiren is one terrifying person indeed."

A handsome young man with twinkling eyes, a mischievous smile, and a black dizi with a blood-crimson tassel tucked into his black and red robes stood before him.

Lan Wangji gasped. "Wei Ying!" he cried out, reaching for him.

However, the closer his hand got, the fainter Wei Wuxian became. In the blink of an eye, he disappeared.

Lan Wangji let out a sigh of disappointment, a mist clouding his breath in the chill of the cave.

As a result of the sleep schedule he'd followed almost the moment he could walk and talk, Lan Wangji's eyes snapped open at Mao Shi. That had all just been a dream.

Pulling himself up and out of bed, Lan Wangji made his way to the Lanshi to teach the younger disciples. On his way over, as he caught sight of nine-year-old Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi, Lan Wangji was reminded yet again of Wei Wuxian. After all, before Lan Yuan, courtesy name Lan Sizhui was Lan Yuan, he was Wen Yuan, one of the last remaining blood descendants of the now-exterminated Qishan Wen Sect, who was raised by Wei Wuxian before his death. Despite Lan Sizhui's amnesia after a strong fever and his strict upbringing from the Gusu Lan Sect, his unserious moments reflected Wei Wuxian's influence on him, crystal clear.

Lan Jingyi was a slightly different story. Of course, he had no known affiliations with Wei Wuxian, but every time Lan Wangji saw him, he inexplicably retraced the young boy back to the man he loved. Lan Jingyi's personality was extremely atypical of one of a Lan disciple: he was boisterous, loud, blunt and straightforward, talkative, naughty, stubborn, and held little regard for the rules. Despite Lan Qiren's attempts to change him into a calmer, more polite boy, Lan Jingyi never changed. Lan Wangji rarely said much about Lan Jingyi's behavior; it appeared that Wei Wuxian had unintentionally influenced him to be more relaxed about rules.

~

Some days, when the pain of knowing Wei Wuxian was dead was almost shoving Lan Wangji to his breaking point, he wondered whether it would just be easier to completely let go of his deceased beloved. But he'd only considered for less than a second before slamming down the idea, refusing to do so. How could and would he ever dare to let his memories of Wei Wuxian fade away?

Don't forget him, Wangji. Perhaps one day, he might--no, will come back.

Closing his eyes, the swirling blizzard that was his mind gradually calmed down to a slow, calm snowfall. Then, opening them again and looking outside at the setting sun, Lan Wangji exhaled softly. Though it wasn't physically cold around him, his breath formed a mist on the glass of the window.

If morning can come, then spring shall hopefully arrive for me...

Noticing the pink petals of the cherry blossom tree nearby being carried to the ground in a light gust of wind, Lan Wangji realized that summer would be here in a few months.

Soon, Wei Ying, soon. Once spring arrives, I'll find you again...