BURN AFTER READING

V. Kairos in Cairo

"I thought you gave up smoking," you scrunch your nose, the cloudy rings of smoke floating through the air, clogging your throat as Seokjin takes another puff.

"Bad habit," he whispers, unable to look you in the eye. "I try not to, but I just can't seem to quit it."

The hidden meaning of his words isn't lost on you as the sun beats down on you both in the Khan-el-Khalili. Taking another sip of your coffee, you let the warm liquid burn your throat as your thoughts wander to the years the two of you have spent apart.

Static fills your mind as you dwell on the missing parts of your relationship, the formative years that were supposed to be the happiest of your lives, but were instead spent in crippling solitude. You'd trudged on after your separation, requesting a reassignment as a solo operative from the agency, work becoming the bandaid that kept your fragile heartstrings from splitting open and brandishing your pain for the entire world to see.

Jet-setting from Johannesburg to Taiwan to Bruges, the whispers of the wind always brought news of Agent Kim and his sudden departure from the agency. Agents mumbled under their breath about how the esteemed former operative now spent his days in the company of numerous women, drowning in liquor and smoke. In those moments, you'd been so grateful to be operating alone once more. Alone so that no one could see you excuse yourself at the mention of his name, finding the nearest alleyway or public restroom to crumple to the ground and lament the love you'd lost, and the man you'd ruined.

"Jin?" The nickname causes his gaze to shoot upwards, glassy eyes meeting your own. For years, he'd been so used to being Agent Kim. Or RJ. Park Jung-won. Choi Seonghyuk. The names came endlessly, along with the disguises. Eating him alive, consuming him until he'd ceased to become a person once more.

"Why'd you come back?" the wobble in your voice causes a swell to form in the back of his throat. "For five years, there was nothing. No calls, no texts. You never tried to find me again, to say anything. What changed in Havana?"

Seokjin looks off into the distance, seeing the vast market that stretches out before you both, full of so many people, so much life. The smiles and shouts of the passerby breathing life into his heart once more.

"I'm getting old, ___," he says with a sad smile. "I meant what I said that day, I'm not like you. I can't hide behind all these shadows and secrets. Believe me, I tried. For five years, I lived in a haze, and no one knew where I was, who I was anymore. But then one day, the agency gave me a call. Namjoon told me that they'd caught wind of the trafficker again, the man who killed my best friend, and who took away everything from me. And after all these years, spent lurking, hiding, being held back from having everything that I've ever wanted, it was finally time to step back into the spotlight."

A strange look crosses his face, and you feel a chill run up your spine. While the handsome lines of his face remain the same, there's an austere edge to him. The sleek black of his hair has begun to grey, the cut of his jaw becoming more stark, the once profound warmth in his eyes now dulled out to a hollow pool of darkness.

"I'm so sorry, ____," he whispers. "I dragged you into this mess, and I shouldn't have."

You face blanches at his ominous tone, the anxious tapping of your foot now attempting to drown out the racing in your heart.

"Jinnie? You're scaring me... is everything okay?" the question leaves your lips, although you already know the answer.

"The mission the agency sent you on was never real. Jeon was never supposed to meet up with you to hunt down the human trafficker. You two were just supposed to run a scan of Havana for suspicious activity. Lying to him was easy though. He believed me when I told him that I'd take over from here, that the agency sent me to step in. He's young, and naive. We were the same once."

"What. Is. Happening?" you whistle through gritted teeth, the hand that is out of sight reaching for the switchblade in your pocket.

"That won't work," his harsh tone causes you to gasp. "You forget I know you like the back of my hand - every wrinkle, every strand of hair, every little movement."

"Why are you doing this?" you whimper.

"——, hey, it's okay. It's me. It's Seokjin. I'm still here," he reaches out to brush a strand of hair off your face, and you lament the fact that you allow his fingers to linger on your cheek.

"Please," he begs. "Help me. The agency disowned me after I cursed them out for not going after Yoongi's killer. They wanted me to move on, waste my time doing other things. But I couldn't. I couldn't keep going on the same after losing the two most important people in my life. So I ran."

"You went rogue," you breathe. "So everything - they were all a lie? The messages to Jeon, the contact with Namjoon? Are you an idiot? Why- why would you ever do that? This man is dangerous, Jin! He killed Yoongi! He almost killed me! What makes you think you could survive against him and any of his men alone?"

"What other choice did I have?" he roars. People have now turned their heads to look at the two of you. Slumping, he drops his head, shaking it furiously.

"What else do I have to live for?" he sighs, wet tears clinging to his long eyelashes. "Everything I loved was taken from me. Justice is the only thing I can attain now."

"I made a mistake," he declares, abruptly standing and throwing his coat over his broad shoulders. "I-, I never meant for this to happen, to put you in danger at all. I would never do that to you, ___. I loved you. I still do. And it's not fair of me to pull you into my own twisted mess."

"You came back though," your voice is a small sob. "Jin, we can stop this, we can fix this. I can call Namjoon right now, we can find some backup. Please, don't do this. Don't put yourself in danger like this."

"Losing you the first time hurt me in ways I couldn't even imagine," you wail. "I can't do it again. Don't leave me."

Your ardent gaze meets Jin's blank one as he gulps, stepping away and turning to leave you, the ice cubes in his coffee melting under the blaze of the Arabian sun, much like the frost around your previously cold heart.

Rumex: Stay safe, RJ.

I love you. Please be careful. (Delete)

Burn after reading.