It was almost like a siren went off in his mind, as Jaemin sat up straight on the couch he had fell asleep on, blinking quickly to stabilise his vision as he began to regain full consciousness. And he almost thought he was imagining it, the way his ears perked up at the distant sound of shaky cries from down the hallway. His brows furrowed in concern while his eyes relaxed in knowing, a frown evident on his lips as he nervously lifted the thin blanket off his body.
He knew she had asked him for space, shutting him out so clearly and keeping herself hidden away, she didn't want his help or his pity. She didn't need him—but how was he to believe that when all his ears could hear were her strained whimpers with each step he took down the dark hallway. He let out a sigh, unsure of whether or not he was making things worse as he stood by the door. His arms extended out while his hands rested on the wooden frames, forehead against the door until he simply couldn't take it anymore.
"Areum...can I please come in?" Jaemin asked, his deep voice barely being heard by the girl who had attempted to mute her cries using his pillows
"I just...want to be alone" she said, sniffing as she inhaled shaky breaths, eyes unable to stop the constant stream of tears flowing against her cheeks. Jaemin sighed at her response
"Please?" He asked again, taking her silence as an opportunity to press on further.
"I can't sleep." He said, unconsciously beginning his string of lies with the statement. With her continued silence, he pushed down on the metal handle, clicking the lock open and hearing her ruffle around in the covers in the dark room
"Don't turn on the light" she said, voice small and strained as she dug her whole body underneath the thick duvet, knees held tightly against her chest like a child trying to comfort itself during a storm
"Okay" Jaemin said softly, his eyes softening at the lump in the middle of his bed as he walked towards it, navigating his way through the dark room until his back finally pressed against the soft mattress. He let out a deep exhale, a dull pain of tension by his brows from his long shift at work. And for someone who said he couldn't sleep, his eyes were closing at a speedily fast pace. Yet his mind was occupied elsewhere.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He breathed out, turning his body towards her, his own hands hesitating to reach out to hold her
"No" she said simply, with a sniffle ensuing shortly after. He hummed and shifted his position, inching close towards her until his chest pressed against the duvet wrapped around her, his arm flinging over her covered body in attempt to hold her, hug her in anyway he could.
"I'm sorry" he whispered, noticing how she froze up at his actions, noticing how she didn't reciprocate.
"Why are you sorry?" She asked, her eyes closing as she focused on her breath, trying her hardest not to break out into heavy cries
"I should've been there...I should've protected you" he said, tightening his hold as much as he could, trying to let her know she was safe in his arms, that she always would be. And she wanted to tell him that she was, that she was fine, that he couldn't have known this would happen. But that would have been a lie.
She would never admit it to him, but she hated that the first person she thought of was him. While she felt every breath draining from her lungs, every pulse of her veins and the flare of heat on her skin, she thought of him. While her body was preparing for the end within seconds, she only thought of him.
"Where were you?" She asked, just above a whisper, her voice almost giving up on her. Her mind wondered why the one man who made her feel safe in the most indescribable ways wasn't there to save her. And maybe she was being childish and unreasonable to have expected him to show up, like some knight in shining armour, but what matters is that she still did.
"I was in another surgery" he said after a moment of silence. And that's when her eyes slowly peered open while his closed shut. And for the first time she realised, she wasn't safe in his arms.
He lied to her.
The light snores emitting from the boy beside her made her sigh before she slowly left his grip—a hard task when he intrinsically held her tighter. She was quick, having done it before, to leave his space with her belongings in her hands. She let out another sigh, her tired eyes look back at the man sleeping peacefully before she pushed down on the door handle, leaving his house.
She had nowhere else to go. Her only two options being Mark's apartment or back to the hospital. She already knew Mark would ambush her with several questions if she was to show up at his front door and she knew she couldn't shake off the chilling memories from earlier at the hospital. So naturally, her feet took her to her last resort, which for once, was not Na Jaemin's house.
"Can I sleep here?" Her voice asked softly, throat still sore, as she walked towards the small bed in the middle of the dimly lit room. It had a distinct smell that always seemed like home to her, curtains and furniture with designs she always thought were ugly and distasteful.
"Come here my baby" the soft voice of her grandmother spoke up, her arms outstretched to invite the lonely girl into a comfort that only she could provide. Areum smiled as she laid her body down beside her on the small bed, turning off the bedside lamp before she was quickly consumed with the darkness of the room.
And she didn't know whether it was the fact that even her grandmother's arms didn't feel like home at this moment in time, or whether Jaemin's arms didn't comfort her anymore like they used to or the fear that this pattern of loneliness and looming sadness was always at the forefront of her life, but soon enough she was staining her cheeks with tears.
"Was i put in this world just to suffer?" She asked, not expecting a response from the woman holding her so tight but wishing someone, just anyone, could make her feel better than she was feeling
"Dont think like that" her grandmother said lightly and she sniffed, digging her head into the covers
"Why is my life so hard?" She choked out, her fingers ghosting over her neck that was aching with bruises and imprints. Her grandmother grazed her hand over her arm slowly, providing as much comfort as she could to the suffering girl she had raised from such a young age
"Life is only hard for those that can handle it...you're stronger than you think" her grandmother replied
"Instead of running away when things get hard, just face it. No matter how big or scary it looks, you'll always be stronger" she added. Areum bit her trembling lower lip to pause her cries, nodding slowly at her words. But just like every other moment in her life, good things eventually come to an end.
"You'll be fine Ayeong. You'll make me proud" her grandmother said sweetly, yet her words felt like a bitter truth injected into Areum's veins.
"I'm Areum...why can't you just remember me?" She asked weakly, getting no response in return. And she knew that the comfort from her aging grandmother would always be minimal and that she was undoubtedly always going to be living in her mother's shadow no matter what. And out of all things that happened that night, that was the most horrible truth of them all.

YOU ARE READING
orgasm donor | na // on hold
Fanfiction"I have to do your performance review" "Alright well how about I give you a performance to review?" ________ A book in which, the young and eccentric, Na Jaemin decided to donate something other than his blood to the kind hearted nurse who started w...