- Ariana -
I love the way the city lights reflects onto the water. I stop on my way home and sit on a park bench overlooking Nyhavn. The air is cool and smells of newly fallen rain.
I light a cigg and admire the view. This must be the most beautiful city in the world.
Alone with my thoughts I feel my mind start to drift into nonsensical chatter. It's been a long night and fuck me I'm still drunk as hell.
My eyelids grow heavy as distance sounds of music and traffic hum me a lullaby. I would like to lay down right here in the dirt and fall asleep forever.
But I've got work tomorrow so I snuff out the cigarette with my baby pink pumps and walk my sorry stumbling ass to the metro station.
By some miracle I make it back to my street safe and sound, the angels above keeping me from falling flat on my face.
Reaching my apartment complex I notice Adam, my next-door neighbor, a few meters ahead. Seeing me he holds the door open and I jog to keep him from waiting.
Adam is the only resident in my building I would consider an acquaintance. Although "acquaintance" may be a generous description. He helped me carry my luggage up to my apartment the day I moved in and we occasionally exchange pleasantries. I guess what I mean to say is the Danish are quite reserved so hes my only neighbor I actually "know".
We enter the elevator, neither of us saying a word. He's staring vacantly at the control panel, looking bored and disinterested, his mind clearly elsewhere. I sway a little and, struggling to keep my balance, lean against the wall.
Just to break the silence I mumble a hello.
He says hey and we stand in silence for a few more moments.
Have a fun night?"
"Okay" I say "How bout you?"
"Alright"
The elevator is agonizingly slow. We both live on the top floor, 7 stories up. 4 more to go, I take a deep breath. I stand up straight, trying regain my composure but my heel gives way and I fall against him.
Mortified I look up to gauge his reaction. To my relief hes not bothered. Hes smiling? I've never noticed but he's sort of cute when he smiles. In a dorky kind of disheveled way.
"Oh my god I'm so sorry I-" I blurt stumbling over my words.
"It's okay." he reassures me "you're fine. Lets get you up to your room yeah?" I nod as the elevator door opens.
He walks me to my door steadying me with his arm around mine. I lean against him, this time unapologetically, and thank him quietly as I reach for my keys.
"Fuck"
"What"
"I don't have my keys" I say feeling my eyes get misty the moment the words escape my lips and I will myself to stay calm. Get it together Ariana. It's okay. It'll be okay. Everythings fine.
Fuck I'm crying.
Why do I always cry over the stupidest things? The past few weeks have been especially the worst, ever since I lost Ben. The man I thought I would marry. The only man who's ever loved me. We've gone on and off but we've never been broken up for more than a day or two so I know this time it's forever.
And its like I'll be totally fine and over it one second and then some silly little thing happens to completely tip me over the edge and all the emotions just spill out. It's so embarrassing and so frustratingly out of my control.
"Woah it's okay"
"I'm sorry"
Once I start I can't stop and now my face is a runny mascara mess. Adam sits down next to me against the locked door to my apartment. I can tell he's concerned and I feel terrible for putting him in this position.
"I'm so sorry. You should go" I say
"I can't just leave you here, where are you going to go?"
"Back? I dont know. I'll figure it out" I say forcing a smile and reassuring tone.
He studies my tear stricken face. "Are you sure? Just let me help you. It'll be fine"
I nod reluctantly. I can't understand why hes being so nice and somehow it makes me feel worse. I wish he'd leave me alone to be a mess in peace. The way I have been for two weeks straight. Crybaby disaster.
"Where did you leave them?"
"The party" Which, luckily, was at my best friend's house. In fact I remember exactly where I left them, in her room, along with my wallet and probably some other shit I've forgotten about.
"Okay.." he says in a pensive tone "How far"
"40 minutes" I say regrettably
"It's almost 4 am do you want to just fall asleep on my couch"
My exhaustion and despair has gotten the best of me so, against my better judgment, I agree.
