Collective

In This Diary.

 TRIGGER WARNING - If you're triggered by talks of suicide please read the next story. 

They found the diary a week after they found her body. No one could understand why she decided to slit her wrists in the bathtub that day. She was popular enough. Had a handful of friends, and even a really steady boyfriend. It just didn't make sense. That was, until they found her diary.

December 10th, 2014

It's started again. The talking. Everyone thinks I slept with Clint at that stupid party. I'm not a slut, and I keep telling people that, but literally NO ONE is listening to me. The truth is, Clint was so drunk that he passed out before he could even get his pants off. I didn't want to deal with the embarrassment so I climbed out the window. I guess his mind filled in the blanks. Now the whole school thinks I like to fuck em and leave em. What a load of shit. I'm still a fucking virgin, but I think that would be worse than the whole school thinking I'm a slut. Needless to say Clint and I are no longer together. The fucking douchebag. I really just want Dan to know I exist. Fat chance in hell that will happen now with all the rumors. 

December 25th, 2014

Merry Christmas diary. This has been, by far, the best Christmas ever. Not only does Dan know I exist, but we've actually become really good friends. We were both invited to Monica's little Christmas party, and I was his secret Santa. He said that he had noticed that I carry you around everywhere with me so he got me this really gorgeous pen. We got to talking about books, and then music, and we actually have a lot in common. I could listen to him talk about his passions for hours. He's a really great guy, better than I could have ever thought, and I think I might be falling for him. God I hope he likes me too. 

January 1st, 2015

Dan and I kissed. It was....awkward. Not what I expected it to be at all. He and I had decided that we would hang out together on New Years Eve because neither of us had any plans, and we were watching the ball drop. Next thing I know he's kissing me. It was sweet, and soft, and he lingered for a wile before pulling away. I could tell that he was embarrassed, because I don't think I've ever seen someone turn so read. When I asked him what was wrong he just said 'Nothing. I...I just...I didn't think. I just acted.' I told him he was fine, that I didn't mind, but he got distant. The ball dropped, and he told me he should get home before it got too late. I hope things between us aren't awkward when we get back to school.

January 8th, 2015

I haven't spoken to Dan in a week. No texts, no calls, nothing. Every time I try to talk to him at school, he avoids me like I've got some disease. I don't even know what I did. I really just want to know why he's avoiding me. If it's because we kissed, he needs to grow the fuck up. As much as I like him, I honestly couldn't care less if he doesn't feel the same. I just want my friend back. I want the guy back who used to make me smile just by existing. Why can't he realize that? 

January 12th, 2015

I cornered Dan at lunch today. I asked him what his problem was and he told me that he can't be friends with someone who's so obsessed with him. I have no idea where that came from but I told him it was bullshit. I just wanted my friend back, and he told me that I really should take a hint. 'Normally when someone ignores you,' he said, loud enough for all his little prick friends to hear, 'it means that you should probably fuck off. ' I...What did I do to deserve this?!

January 20th, 2015

So Dan has the whole fucking school thinking I'm some fucking stalker. He told everyone that I was obsessed with him. That I sit outside his house and watch his bedroom window, waiting for him to come outside so I can follow him around and try to get him to love me. What a bunch of fucking bullshit. I just wanted to know what I did wrong. Not ONCE did I sit outside his house. I didn't even fucking call the asshole. What a dick. I don't even know why I liked him in the first place.

February 5th 2015

Schools gotten pretty bad since the rumors started flying. Dan's new girlfriend Bianca, and all of her little cunt friends have started bulling me. The more I try to tell them that I'm not interested in Dan anymore, the angrier they get. Just yesterday they beat the shit out of me in the parking lot. I had stayed after to work on a project, and when I walked out to my car, Bianca was waiting for me. She threw me against door, and told me that if I didn't leave Dan alone that she would make sure I wouldn't live to see tomorrow. I told her that I didn't want her boyfriend, not after he's been with her. Probably not a good idea. She slammed my head against my car window, and when I fell to the ground holding my bleeding head, her and her friends started kicking me. Luckily Principal Johnson was on his way to his car, and was able to stop them from killing me. 

February 15th, 2015

What's the point of living. All of my friends deserted me once they heard all the lies. I'm constantly bullied at school. My father says I need to fight back, and my mom says I need to talk to the principal. I don't stand a snowballs chance in hell against Bianca, and her troop of plastic bimbos, and if I talk to Johnson, it's just going to make matter worse.  I don't even know why I continue living. It's never going to get better. Everything is going to be perpetually shit. I think I'm going to kill myself. 

March 3rd, 2015

This is the last entry I'm going to write. My parents are out for their anniversary so I've decided that I'm going to kill myself. I just can't handle it anymore. The constant bulling. The hate. The abuse. No one wants me around anymore so why not do the world a favor. I'm just going to slit my wrist and be done with it. My parents won't find me until it's too late, so there's no chance that they can save me. I'll do it in the bath tub. Less mess for mom to clean up. God I hope they don't think this is their fault. It's MY fault. I'm the burden. I'm the one that causes every one grief. I'm the one ruining everyone's lives. Clint's, Dan's, everyone's. I hope this is quick and painless. Well I mean as painless as slitting your own wrists can be.

This is goodbye diary. Thank you for being my only friend. I'm sorry I couldn't fill you with nicer things but at least you were used for SOMETHING.

Love always, Michelle