the lies we tell each other

Part 1

That leaf kind of looks like a dick. I giggle internally. I'd point it out to Sabe, but he'd only make fun of me. "Look bro that leaf looks like a dick," Sabe chuckles in the stupid way he always does. I laugh haphazardly. Silence ensues again.

My eyes wander from the crunchy sidewalk to the company of heads bobbing up and down, swaying left to right like apples in a bowl of water. Obnoxiously loud conversations pollute the quiet college campus we're touring. Students with heavy backpacks and depressed expressions find their way around or through us on their way to their destination. The tour guide drones on about the legacy of the university and how it will "guarantee our success in any career path we choose." While extremely appealing, my focus remains on the beautiful Gilmore Girls-like campus around us. The architecture is traditional American with brick buildings that look like churches and sunset color themed trees lining the street.

It's late September and I've started my senior year. I've been looking forward to this for a long time, but now that it's here all I feel is stress from applying to universities and keeping up with all my AP classes. The end is close yet too far. I've been struggling to find colleges where I feel I would fit. So when my school offered a tour of the university near our school, I immediately said yes. And I'm glad I did. This campus is amazing and I really could see myself here.

I'm deep in my thoughts when I'm interrupted by someone bumping into me. I almost topple over with the weight of my messenger bag on my shoulder. I look behind me, and there is a frantic student, probably just trying to get to class. There's a glint of sweat on his forehead, and his cheeks are a red blush. He is kind of attractive. I feel creepy for thinking that.

"Oh shit, sorry, man," he says, out of breath. His right hand clutches a folder stuffed with papers, and his left grasps the handle of an overstuffed black tote bag.

"It's ok," I whisper in awe of his beauty. I can't help but just observe him. He seems to have moved on from our little scuffle: his attention is taken by attempting to find an exit out of the crowd. He seems to give up and catches his breath walking slower.

"What is going on here?" He asks quietly to himself. He sounds upset.

"It's a campus tour," I respond. He looks down at me, confused.

"What? Oh, you."

"Yeah," I murmur bashfully. This quickly got awkward. He completely forgot I was there. I look around and at the crowd ahead of me to see where Sabe ran off to. He must've gotten lost in that small scuffle or left me for the friends he prefers more. Whatever fuck him. I return to the handsome man in front of me, brainstorming ways to start up a conversation. Recently my real friends (obviously not including Sabe) have encouraged me to "put myself out there." So I guess I'll try right now.

"Were you trying to get to class?" I ask. He looks at me, surprised again.

"Oh, yeah. I was, but now I'm even later than I was before," he sighs.

"Oh, I'm sorry. There's so many of us, and we're all crowded on the sidewalk." I feel awkward. Why did I take my friends' advice?

"Us?" he asks. I'm caught off guard.

"Yeah." What does he mean by "Us?" Did he think I was another college student caught in the crowd?

"You're one of them. I couldn't tell. Stupid of me. I swear I've seen you before." He looks at me closer now, squinting his eyes. I'm flustered. He's making eye contact, and now all my brain can focus on is how he's making eye contact and how beautiful his eyes are.

"I've been to a couple of functions you guys hosted. Like that, um, poster sale and the summer festival." I smile awkwardly after that.

"Oh yes, I remember seeing you." Did he think I was cute? That must've been why he remembered me. Right? Is this attraction mutual? Was taking my friend's advice the right idea?