Through Eyes of Insanity//Dean Winchester

4.0

D E V I N

The bed seemed too hard underneath her, the crickets chirped a little too loudly, the quiet whirring of the fan above sounded like a strident ringing in her ears. Tossing and turning, to and fro, struggling to gain comfort on the suddenly-hard mattress.

Devin struggled to sleep until her pillows were haphazardly scattered on the floor and the many blankets that piled her bed were pushed into a messy heap at the end.

She couldn't sleep, the events of the day- though no different than any other day- replayed constantly in her mind. A recurring movie that she couldn't seem to shut off. For some reason, it had sparked something in her. Something that she hadn't experienced in a long time; something that she didn't know if she wanted to experience again.

Memories.

Remembrances of days long since passed, memories of good days, when nothing seemed wrong; and memories of days she only wished would disappear. Finally giving up on sleep, which seemed only like a distant, far-away possibility, she sat up. Dark hair piled messily on top of her head, dark bags under her drooping, sleep-deprived eyes.

It took 15 steps to carry her from her room to the kitchen, where she promptly fixed herself a cup of warm milk. A reminiscent of days when her mother would make them for her, 'with just a touch of sugar, not too much, not too little'. She shook her head slightly, struggling to rid of the onslaught of memories that pushed their way into her mind.

Devin sighed, waiting for the too-warm milk to cool down. Clasping the cup tightly between two cold hands, steam drifting up in a white mist and fogging her glasses. Sitting at the empty kitchen table, back against the hard wood of the chair. It was then that she fell asleep, cup dipping slightly in her hands, and head drooping to her chest in exhaustion.

The distant beeping of the alarm clock is what pulled her from the warm embrace of sleep. An insistent beeping that penetrated through her skull, making her wince.

From then she proceeded on through her normal daily routines, every step painstakingly calculated. Every move thought out to the last second, albeit subconsciously. Until she was mechanically walking out of the door, keys in hand; still-filled, cold cup of milk lying forgotten on the table.

To this day, Devin still didn't know why she walked back to room 1323B. The same room that contained the broken father and the dying daughter. She didn't know why she found herself standing in front of that door and knocking. But something drew her to him, the man who still faithfully sat at his daughter's bedside, holding her hand and softly singing Hey Jude under his breath.

As soon as she entered, the soft melody of his voice faded away and he lifted his head from where it had been resting, forehead pressed against his and his daughter's hands.

His green eyes opened to see who was coming, hope lighting them for a brief second, then promptly extinguishing as soon as he saw her. As if he had been expecting someone, but was disappointed.

"I already told them I don't need a shrink." He stated gruffly, shoulders slumping with fatigue.

"I'm not a shrink," Devin replied softly, eyes glancing up to the tv, where the sitcom still aired.

"She isn't going to die," was his statement, "I don't need a grief counselor either." Devin nodded understandingly, watching Dean closely as he squeezed his daughter's hand tightly.

"Do you have any family? Someone who could help?" She found herself asking, to her surprise, his shoulders slumped forward even more. Agonizing pain filling his eyes as if the memories brought on were only painful ones.

"Uh, yeah," a pained smile appeared on his face and a forced laugh escaped his lips, "a brother actually, we just haven't spoken in a while."

"What happened?" Devin found herself asking, her heart breaking for the stranger sitting before her, the stranger that for some reason- she felt herself being drawn to.

"We-we didn't see eye-to-eye," he finally managed, after a moments hesitation, to speak again,  "I was deep in--uh, I guess you could call it, the family business, I guess I was pretty good at what I did, but, it changes you. It made me into another person, someone who wasn't fit to sit at your dinner table, much less raise a kid. So I quit--and Sam, didn't."

"So, have you seen him?" Devin asked gingerly, looking at the man who sat before her, staring at his hands, a nostalgic smile plastered on his face. As soon as the words escaped her mouth, his smile faded and his eyes glazed over with unspoken pain.

"No," he coughed uncomfortably, as if he were trying to hold back unshed tears, "he, uh-- was held up." Devin nodded, though she felt that she wasn't told the entire truth. But the man sitting in front of her was a broken, fractured image. Struggling to see reality through a shattered lense.

A stabbing pain shot through her heart, the familiarity of the entire situation weighing down on her. Devin placed her hand over her heart, subconsciously wincing.

"You okay?" Came a worried question, Devin looked up, confused.

"What?-yeah, yeah--I'm fine, why do you ask?" She stuttered out, unable to fully meet the green-eyed gaze burning a hole through her.

"You're crying," was the quiet reply. Devin tentatively reached up to touch her cheek, surprised in her fingertips came back wet.

"Sorry--sorry, I've got to go," she managed, wiping the tears away and turning around in embarrassment. She stumbled, nearly jogging to the door, intent on getting out of the room. The walls seeming to bore down on her, suffocating her. But as she turned, from the corner of her eye, she saw Dean slump defeatedly over the hospital bed again.

Lifting his daughter's pale hand and kissing it softly, the weight of defeat, seemingly bearing down on his shoulders.

And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain

Don't carry the world upon your shoulders.

Hey duudes, long time no see. 

by the way, I know a grief counselor (and as Dean likes to call it), a shrink are almost practically the same thing. But whatever. I do what I want.

Also, THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR THE 400 READS. YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING.

SERIOUSLY.