TBATE - OneShots

2. Thinking (Arthur Leywin)

After we had gradually gathered up the scattered troops, we finally arrived almost at the end of the corridor. I deliberately diverted my thoughts from the dead - the many dead. Just as I prevented remorseful thoughts from coming through me, punishing me for having come so late. For not having saved the lives. The time of mourning would come, just not now. Later! Now it was time to move forward courageously and fearlessly. Like a king. I was aware of how close I was to my old self: a good fighter, but a bad person.

So I spoke to the people around me, paying attention to the path and potential dangers, without being completely focused. Even without remorse, my thoughts constantly revolved around the next steps. About what I would do if I faced a scythe again. About what would happen if I met Tess - no! Cecillia - again. I knew what Seris intended, but it only made my plans a little easier. Relying on an Alacryan, and a scythe at that, wasn't exactly what I wanted. It wasn't that I was relying on her completely - after all, that would be an avoidable risk - but if she were to spontaneously change her plans or stab me in the back, it would complicate everything unnecessarily. Our conversation during the Victoriad had at least given me the feeling that I could read Seris, but I wouldn't rely on that blindly. I had noticed one thing: Seris was like me. At least in her way of thinking, predicting her next steps was easier than I thought and together with her words, her intentions had become immediately clear to me at least, and yet this fact almost frightened me.

If Seris really thought like me, she would also know my plans after the Victoriad to a certain extent. That was exactly where the problem lay. It was a big 'if', but in the event of her betrayal or at least her displeasure, she could harm me more than any other scythe. To be honest, I didn't want to find out how much alike we were. It was enough for me to keep her in mind, but not to attach too much importance to her presence and moves.

Just as I had followed her wishes in my own way at the Victoriad, she would probably do the same. I had already planned to challenge Nico and Cadell, but as the conversation progressed, another advantage became clear to me: I was forcing Seris to act quickly. Perhaps it would have made more sense to do it more discreetly, but how long was I going to hide? Plus, it just sped everything up, offering a smaller but also safer window of time for action. Not only did Seris have to act quickly, Agrona would also need time to react. It was risky, but what wasn't? And I still preferred a controlled risk to no control at all.

Finally we arrived and I went ahead with a few other strong and uninjured mages. We fanned out in front of the rest of the group to cover as much area as possible. Of course my gaze also wandered over the destroyed underground city. It was frightening how much damage a single young Asura could cause. Now I doubted the presence of enemies, but without being able to perceive mana signatures I could never be sure. Although I was aware that only a few people could harm me, I still forbade myself from thinking like that. With each passing day I became more confident and more reckless of my own safety. Being brought back to reality by the Relictombs every now and then felt good. The human mind tended to automatically assume more after great success. A weakness I still succumbed to.

Last year life had been simpler. As a Grey I had completely succumbed to my old self and it had been easier. No feelings to hold you back and no other people I had to try to protect because they were important to me. Back in Dicathen, I lost that privilege. For the sake of my sister and mother, I would try to be more "me" again. Rinia was right; the more I gave myself over to Grey, the more difficult it became to be Arthur Leywin again. There was the man I wanted to be and the man everyone else needed.

These considerations ran more or less in the background and so I noticed quite quickly a movement on an elevation. In the same second, my attention wandered to the etheric paths, ether was channeled through my etheric channels into my hands, ready to manifest a sword. I tensed my muscles and corrected my posture so minimally that I did not appear aggressive and yet could be in the middle of an attack within a second. Automatisms that ran in a tenth of a second and cost me little more than a fleeting thought. The last three - or actually only two - fights were barely over. Without the etheric plane, my core state would already be critical and psychologically I was fluctuating between a state of exhaustion and absolute motivation.