patisserie d'amour | seungin | stray kids

16. ruin me

JEONGIN

"I'm doomed," I groan, slamming my books on my desk.

"What's wrong?" Seungmin asks from across the room. He was seated comfortably on my bed, one leg crossed over the other.

"The timetable for my finals is out and I've only got a month. I don't know how I'm supposed to pass this thing," I sigh, wearily eyeing the stacks of thick textbooks piled up on the study table. I'd say I was an average student, always cramming stuff into my head the night before the exam. Consistent studying just did not like the thought of me.

"Not when you have an A+ boyfriend," he says, sweeping his hair back with a cocky grin. "Have you ever followed a study schedule before?"

"Ehh, not really," I say with a shrug. I was never one to be able to keep up with deadlines and time constraints.

"I can help make one for you if you want. It's your last year, so you gotta make sure it pays off." Seungmin opens up my laptop, which was discarded on my quilt, and starts typing something. He really did sound like a real academic topper.

"How did you usually study?" I ask. Considering the fact that this is my final effort, I guess it didn't hurt to try being serious and get some shit done.

"I used to wake up at 4-"

"Absolutely not," I immediately shoot down the idea, even though I was the one who asked the question. How do people function properly that early? Before the sun even rises?

"Okay, we can decide on something else then. First things first, we need something to motivate you to finish your day's work. What's your motivation?" He asks. I contemplate for a moment before responding.

"...you." I mean, am I lying? Even right now, he's motivating me to start studying.

"Haha, very funny," he says with a sarcastic laugh, rolling his eyes before ruffling my hair.

"What? I'm just being honest."

"In that case..." he puts a finger to his chin in thought, before an idea clicks in his head. "You can't call or text me until you're done with your scheduled portions. Oh, and I really think you should reduce your visits to the bakery just for this month. A lot of your time goes in there."

"Come on, this isn't fairrrr," I whine with a pout, falling onto his lap. It felt like things were actually getting serious. But more importantly, I didn't like the fact that I'd pretty much be on a ban from my own boyfriend for a whole month.

"I know, baby," he says, running his fingers through my hair soothingly, a sympathetic smile playing on his lips. My stomach does backflips when he calls me that. "But this might be exactly what you need to zero in on your focus. I don't want to be the reason why you're distracted."

I hated the idea of not seeing Seungmin, but I hated the fact that he was right even more. It's more difficult than I thought to accept that I'm growing up and I need to be more responsible.

*

It was torture. Pure torture.

I've never studied like this in my entire life. I knew this exam was going to impact my future, but a little part of me couldn't help but involuntarily resent Seungmin for not letting me talk to him. It stung that he didn't message me even once all this while. Was I the only one missing him?

I look at all the colorful sticky notes and highlighted texts stuck onto my otherwise empty white walls, and I sigh. My daily routine had done a 360 in the span of two weeks. I'd head straight to my apartment from uni without going to the bakery to see Seungmin or roaming around aimlessly with Heeseung and Beomgyu. I'd sleep for about 4-5 hours a day, a stark contrast from my dead-man like state of slumber every other day. I was really determined to do the best for myself, and also to make Seungmin proud. As much as I hated him for it, I have to give him credit for igniting that fire in me.