Desert Wind

Chapter 9

***

I turned the box over in my hands, examining it closely. There was no doubt—the box hadn't changed color.

Does that mean I was right? Is this proof that I have no magical abilities? That the last few days were a lie?

I heard Heliasz's loud laughter behind me.

"What a face you have now," he said, barely able to catch his breath between words. "Did you really think it was that easy?" I glanced at Kasander. He wasn't laughing, but a wide smile spread across his lips.

"Heliasz is right. It can take adepts up to a year to unlock their magic. It's a bit like learning to read or, if you prefer, to walk. Small steps, remember. You'll need them."

"Does that mean I have to stare at this cursed box for a whole year?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"Excuse me? Keep in mind that adepts don't have a teacher like me," he replied. Heliasz burst out laughing again, to which Kasander shot him an angry look.

"I'm sorry," Heliasz said, clutching his stomach, trying to control himself. "Kasander is right. If anyone is going to help you, Klelia, it will be him."

"Okay, okay—enough bragging," Kasander paused, "even if it is justified. Let's get back to the exercises." I nodded in agreement. A thought—or rather an idea—came to my mind.

If this is true, and I do have magical abilities, and I manage to unlock them, I will be able to use magic. Mages are known for their, hmm... independence. No one can tell them what to do, no one can stop them. That's what makes them so dangerous. I could live on my own terms.

With a new plan, or at least something like it, I decided to try. For the first time in a really long time, I saw the proverbial light at the end of a dark tunnel.

I focused, and this time, without complaining or doubting, I listened to all of Kasander's instructions. The whole process was identical to the first time. At first, he told me to close my eyes, relax, and imagine that I was filled with power, that I was filled with warmth. This energy spreads, penetrating all parts of my body until, finally, it pours into the box.

I opened my eyes. The black glass remained identical to how it had been up until now.

What am I doing wrong?

"You have to relax. Don't think about it like that," Kasander gave me more, what seemed to me, useless instructions.

"I'm doing everything the way you want," I replied.

"Even from here, I can see how your forehead is wrinkling all the time. Ha! Even your nose is wrinkling; you're concentrating so much," Heliasz shouted from his box. "You won't achieve anything this way. It's the biggest mistake novices make."

"I have to admit, and it doesn't happen to me often," Kasander interjected, "but in this case, Heliasz is right. Hmm..." He scratched his beard. "How should I put it? You can't fight this feeling. It's your magic, Klelia, it's part of you. You can't force it out of you like some parasite," he laughed. "You have to let it flow out of you. It's harmony, symbiosis. Again."

***

After about ten, maybe even more, failed attempts to release my magic, Kasander decreed that one day of training would be enough. I had to admit that it was exhausting. With each subsequent attempt, my frustration grew. I wanted to throw something. I felt like a child who, despite trying very hard, listening to adults' orders, and doing everything as best as he could, only ended up with a result that was unsatisfactory. Or, as in my case, hopeless. A child lacks practice, lacks experience. However, for adults, completing the same task is easy, quick. They don't need to focus or think. They simply perform the action for the hundredth or even thousandth time. That's how I felt during our training.