Captured

01 | Sorry

~~~~~~~~~~Prabhu~~~~~~~~~~

My phone chimed with a whatsapp notification. I looked at it . It was from an unknown number. Unlocking my phone , I opened the whatsapp to read the message.

It read 'Hi'. I checked the DP of the person who pinged me. It had a girl photo. And her name is Vidya.

I know her name because, she is the girl whom I going to marry soon. The girl I met 2 days back at her house on an arranged marriage meet.

My parents had been searching alliance for me for the past 1 and half years. Earlier, I rejected few of the profiles because I was genuinely not interested in marrying.

I actually had a secret crush on a girl from my college when I was doing my masters in UK. The crush turned in to a one sided love. Her name is Nethra.

We both had same major 'Data Analytics'. Though we both are in same class, it had been hardly two or three general talks that we shared about the assignments and projects. Nothing more than that.

What actually started as a secret crush and just a small liking on her turned in to one sided love. I did not have guts to befriend her or open up my feelings for her.

I was impressed by her bold nature and knowledge level. Though she is highly talented, she never had an ounce of pride for that.

I can talk on and on about her. May be I got to witness only the good sides of her. There is no person who is perfect or does not make mistakes. She might also have done mistakes but I have not witnessed that.

My one side love on her made me blind to that fact. My illogical mind and heart denied to accept the fact.

Days went past. I completed my studies and returned to India. My parents forced me and started with the marriage alliance.

6 months back, through Facebook, I got to know that she is married and settled in UK. Upon knowing it, my heart sank.

But then I composed myself. Am I not exaggerating over a silly thing? I have not confessed my feelings for her.

Nor taken any step to make her understand about my feelings for her. Then why should I feel sad over a thing which I am not accountable for?

I let go of that thought and decided to concentrate on my present life than dwelling on the past. How fool I was to waste my thoughts on something which I knew is not for me?

All I wanted was a girl with good attitude and mainly well educated girl who is strong and independent. I know the importance of studies. My parents were not able to study due to their financial issues.

But they always inculcated the importance of studying and strived hard to give me a good education. If not for them, if not for their hard work, I would not have gone to UK for masters.

They sold the property that they bought to make me study. Without them I am a zero.

Darting to the present, I looked at my mobile which had another message from Vidya. About her, she has just completed her degree and was not willing to pursue any studies nor does any work.

She is below average at her studies. She is completely opposite of what I expected my wife to be. Yet I agreed to marry her, because of my parents. I can't say no to them and make them upset.

They have tried so many profiles and fed up with me rejecting often. I don't want them to get more worried because of me.

Hence I agreed. Meeting Nethra, unknowingly I have set a standard on the qualities my wife should have. Which clearly Vidya does not seem to have with whatever I had seen so far. Appearance wise too she did not pick my interest.

Not that I am complaining about her appearance. Its just that I did not feel any attraction to her. Not all the girl or boy that we meet during marriage alliance, we say ok right? Sometimes, there must be some spark or happiness when we meet a person which would make us say ok for them.

I don't find that in her. She has not captured my attention or interest.

Vidya was pinging me every five minutes.

I am vidya

are you there?

can we talk? if you are free?

calling

Heaving a sigh, I attended the call.

Vidya: "hi.. I am Vidya here. Hope you remember me. "

Me: " Hmm"

Vidya: " I hope I did not disturb you."

Me: "what do you want?"

There was a silence suddenly with the way I asked. She was taken back by my words.

Vidya: "I ..I .. just casually called to talk with you. My father gave me your number today.. "

Me: "Vidya.. is it ok if we talk later after marriage? I don't like to spend time talking over the phone or messaging before the marriage" my words came little harsh.

Vidya: "ohh.. ok.. ok.. Sorry.. Really sorry to have disturbed you.. sorry" she cut the call abruptly.

pcch.. why was I very harsh with her? I should have said that politely. May be the thought about Nethra made me irked. pcch.. Its all my fault. Oh god.

I messaged Vidya 'sorry'. But there was no reply from her. I left that as it is. I know she would be angry at me for what I said just now.

Days went fast. Everyday I check my whatsapp chat with her. The last conversation was mine when I asked her sorry.

She has not replied anything. I did not call her and neither do her.  She even removed her DP. No status messages as well. My hands would always go check the WhatsApp to see if she has pinged anything.

My mind always instructed me to ping something and initiate the talk. My heart would always expect a single reply at least from her . why? I don't have the answer.