A WEB OF DECEIT

chapter 7

Thelani

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Seven months had passed, and life was far from what I had imagined. Sonto was a nice person, but it was clear she never wanted to be friends. We were from two different worlds, and our interactions were limited to polite conversations about the weather or class schedules.

Managing my job at the hotel while juggling school was overwhelming. Without a laptop, I spent countless hours at the campus library working on assignments, often submitting them late. I was caught in a vicious cycle of exhaustion and missed deadlines, either from oversleeping or a sudden change in my shift schedule. My life felt like a never-ending struggle, where I couldn't even remember to eat until the smell of Sonto’s takeout reminded me of my own hunger. I'd end up making a quick bowl of porridge, wondering how I was going to get through another day.

The financial strain was suffocating. I couldn’t afford basic necessities like pads. Last month, Mbali, a classmate, had kindly helped me out, but this month I had no idea how I would afford groceries and toiletries after spending what little I had on textbooks.

One afternoon, during a day shift at the hotel, my phone kept buzzing with notifications from the class group chat. My heart sank as I read the messages:

"That exam was really hard, but question 2 was a bit easier."

Exam??? I had forgotten to write an exam! Panic gripped me as I realized the gravity of the situation. How was I going to get a doctor’s note to excuse my absence? Visiting a doctor was expensive, and I couldn't afford it.

I felt a wave of depression wash over me, and I sank onto a nearby chair, neglecting my work. My mind raced with thoughts of how I had let things slip, leading to even more problems. My boss's voice broke through my daze, reprimanding me for not attending to my duties.

"Could life give me a break?" I thought, feeling utterly defeated. It seemed like every time I managed to get back on my feet, something new would knock me down. The weight of my circumstances was crushing, and I desperately needed a moment to breathe.

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My life had become a whirlwind of stress and uncertainty. As the semester progressed, I found myself struggling under the weight of academic pressures and financial woes. The realization that I had failed two of my modules hit me like a wave, bringing with it the devastating news that I had lost my bursary. Without it, I was faced with the daunting prospect of paying for my tuition on my own and rent.

I spent hours in the student loans office, filling out applications and hoping for a miracle. The part-time job at the hotel, which had once been a means to supplement my bursary, now became a lifeline, and I picked up extra shifts whenever I could. But no matter how hard I worked, it never seemed to be enough.

My room at the student residence, once a place of refuge, now felt like a prison. My roommates, with their carefree laughter and endless takeaways, seemed to belong to another world entirely. I watched enviously as they flaunted their new clothes and expensive phones, all thanks to their "blessers" who showered them with gifts.

One evening, after another grueling shift at the hotel, I returned to the residence to find my roommate, Sonto, chilling on the couch, her phone buzzing with notifications.

“Thelani, you look exhausted,” Sonto said, barely glancing up from her phone. “You need to take a break before you collapse.”

I sank into a chair, my body aching with fatigue. “I wish I could. But with no bursary, I have to keep working. I don’t know how I’m going to pay for everything.”

Sonto eyed me thoughtfully. “You know, there’s an easier way to make money. You’ve seen how my life is, right?”

I hesitated, unsure of where this conversation was headed. “Yeah, I’ve noticed. It’s like you’re living a completely different life.”

Sonto leaned forward, her voice conspiratorial. “That’s because I have a blesser. He takes care of me, and I don’t have to worry about money. You could do the same. I can introduce you to someone.”

I felt a mix of intrigue and apprehension. “I don’t know, Sonto. I’ve never even thought about doing something like that.”

Sonto shrugged. “It’s not for everyone, but it’s an option. You can make your own rules. Just think about it. You deserve more than this struggle.”

Over the next few days, I couldn’t shake Sonto’s words from my mind. The idea of financial stability was tempting, but the thought of entertaining blessers was foreign and intimidating. Yet, as I went through my daily grind, my mind kept returning to the possibility.

One night, after another shift that barely covered my expenses, I sat in my room, wrestling with my conscience. I glanced at my phone, scrolling through messages from the student loans office, each one a reminder of my mounting debt.

My mind was a battlefield of conflicting thoughts. *How did I end up here?* I wondered, the weight of my circumstances pressing down on me. *Is this what my life has come to? Does God even hear my prayers , why is everything going so wrong for me*

For days, I wrestled with my thoughts, the idea of having a blesser lingering in my mind like an unsolvable equation. My doubts were loud, but my desperation was louder. I knew I needed to make a decision soon, so one evening, I found Sonto lounging in the common area and decided to talk to her.

“Sonto, can we talk for a minute?” I asked, trying to sound more confident than I felt.

She looked up from her phone, a knowing smile on her face. “Of course, what’s up?”

I hesitated for a moment, my heart pounding in my chest. “I’ve been thinking about what you said, about having a blesser,” I began, my voice tinged with uncertainty.

Sonto nodded, encouraging me to continue. “And?”

“And I think I want to give it a try,” I admitted, the words feeling heavy on my tongue. “I mean, I’m not sure what to expect, but I don’t see another way out of this mess right now.”

She beamed, clearly pleased with my decision. “I knew you’d come around. Honestly, it’s not as scary as it seems, and you can set boundaries. You’ll be surprised at how understanding some of these guys can be.”

“I hope so,” I replied, trying to mask my apprehension. “But I still feel nervous about the whole thing.”

“That’s completely normal,” Sonto reassured me. “Just remember that you’re in control. If something doesn’t feel right, you can walk away at any time.”

I nodded, appreciating her support. “Thanks, Sonto. I’m just worried about how this might change things for me.”

“Trust me, once you start seeing the benefits, it’ll feel like a weight’s been lifted off your shoulders,” she said confidently. “You’ll finally be able to focus on your studies without stressing about money all the time.”

I took a deep breath, trying to imagine a life where I wasn’t constantly worrying about finances. “I guess it’s worth a shot.”

“It is,” Sonto said, giving my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “Let’s get you set up with a meeting. I know someone who’s been looking for someone like you.”

“Okay,” I agreed, feeling a mix of fear and anticipation. “Let’s do it.”

As we talked through the details, I felt a strange sense of relief mingled with my anxiety. I was stepping into unknown territory, but I hoped this decision would lead to better days ahead.

As I entered this new world, I felt a mix of guilt and relief. The money eased my financial burdens, but the cost to my self-esteem was high. I struggled with the duality of my existence, hiding my new life from everyone except Sonto.

In the quiet moments, I questioned my choices. *Am I losing myself in this process?* I wondered, staring at my reflection in the mirror. The image staring back at me seemed like a stranger, someone who had been molded by circumstances beyond my control.

Despite the challenges, I resolved to push through to the end of the semester. I hoped that by some miracle, my grades would improve enough to secure a new bursary and free me from this cycle of desperation. Until then, I would play the game and hope for a brighter future.