this is me trying [WINTUMN]

This is me trying.

Winter awoke in the night to a clang. He didn't know where it came from at first. That was before it happened a second time. He followed the sound and found himself in front of the closed bathroom door.

He wondered to himself who on earth could've been there. Was it a burglar? A random person who had randomly come to use their bathroom in the middle of the night? Obviously he knew it couldn't have been any of those options, since the front doors were locked and secure; he'd checked at least a dozen times before going to bed. But who could it be?

Then he remembered; he hadn't seen Autumn in bed with him when he woke up.

His mind ran round in circles; wizzing with all the possible things that could've happened. Some were pretty stupid, whilst some were so extreme that they made his stomach churn with worry.

He was sure he was going to be sick.

Taking a deep breath, Winter tried his best to keep his composure. It would've been all for nothing if he got this worked up and she'd just dropped the toothbrush holder; but on the other hand, he couldn't let his guard down too much. He knew what she was like. You could never be too careful with Autumn.

She was like a car without a steering wheel. Unpredictable; she'd keep going until she physically couldn't anymore. Until the engine blew, or all the tires popped. She wouldn't care about who or what she hit until it was too late; and then she'd explode.

Of course Winter loved Autumn more than words could describe, but she had her flaws. They both knew that.

Winter gently knocked on the door, making sure not to be even the slightest too agressive. He knew that triggered her.
"My love?" He called softly; he didn't expect an answer. She would reply if she wanted to. He couldn't force her.

A soft sigh came from inside the room, along with a sniff. It was clearly obvious to him that she'd been crying. He'd learned he had to be more observant with Autumn; taking account of things most people would overlook.

Her voice was low and quiet, with the slightest shake in her tone. "I'm sorry."

It was at this moment that it clicked in Winters' head what had happened.

She'd relapsed.

Autumn had always had a history with self-harm, even as a young child. She hadn't had known that's what it was, but she'd developed self-deprecating behaviours. This included things like hitting or scratching herself.

Though as a teen, she'd resorted to using other things. She'd gotten her first razor a few months before the first 'proper' time. The time she actually knew what she was doing. She was 14, sat there in the bathroom with a blade to her upper thigh.

Even now, Autumn hadn't gotten away from that addiction. When the going got to tough, it was either a drink or a blade that landed in her hands. Nowadays it was usually a drink, but ever since her miscarriage, Autumn had started to resort more to the blade.

He supposed it was like a punishment for her,  for letting him down. He'd told her so many times that it wasn't her fault, and that she wasn't letting him down, but it didn't really work. It's hard to get out of that mindset when you're in it.

Winter sighed, taking his glasses out of the pocket of his pyjama bottoms and put them on. He had to be ready to face the music now.

"Don't be sorry, my love. It's not your fault. Do you think we need the med kit, or are we okay?" Winter asked gently, trying to keep his composure. His heart wrenched, and all he really wanted to do was scream at someone, but he knew getting angry wouldn't help. If anything, it would probably make it worse.

"No, I brought it in with me." Autumn muttered, the sound of a medical kit being opened coming through the door. "The doors open."

Winter slowly opened the door. His heart beat loudly in his chest; he couldn't deny he was terrified. Who wouldn't be, really? He didn't know what he was going to see, or how bad.

The door eventually opened all the way, revealing Autumn sat on the bathroom floor, knees to her chest. Two razors sat on the floor next to her, both with traces of blood on them, and a couple of bloody tissues. A cup of water had spilled onto the floor, which explained the clang he'd heard earlier.

Winter made his way over to his girlfriend, kneeling down in front of him. He could see the tired look on her face; the eye-bags and tired eyes. Her hair was in a ponytail, which had started to fall out from tossing and turning in bed. He wiped her tears away as he started getting to work on cleaning her up.

They both sat there together, as Winter cleaned up Autumn's wounds. He constantly made sure to let her know what he was doing before he did it, taking little breaks to make sure she was as comfortable as possible. He gently wrapped some bandages on the cuts after cleaning them, and even drew a smiley face on her bandage.

Winter pressed a kiss to her forehead, holding his hands out for a hug. He knew the possibility of her actually accepting it were lower than his dead grandma, but he put the offer out there anyway. He would always give out comfort to her, even if she didn't want it. That was his job.

Autumn leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him, her walls immediately collapsing as she melted into his touch. It was like someone had turned a valve in her brain, telling her to let out everything she had all in one go. She sobbed into his shoulder and he sat there, rubbing her back and softly whispering to her.

He didn't ask anything from her, he didn't move her. He just sat there and comforted her. His whole heart and soul went into this relationship, and he was determined to make sure that Autumn knew her father wasn't a representation of every man. He knew it wouldn't be easy, but he was going to try anyway. This was only a little peice of a big puzzle.

"It's okay, love. I've got you."