Behind the Lights ~ Nika Mühl

The First Win

Jaia Matthews gripped the arms of her seat, her sharp nails digging holes into the plush velvety fabric. All of the air had been vacuumed out of her lungs, leaving her chest tight and her heart pounding erratically in her ears. The world around her faded into a muffled blur, drowned out by the anxiety that settled into the pit of her stomach.

This entire night had been an agonizing crawl through a swamp of anticipation. Jaia had sat through countless categories, the applause, and the speeches, all while feeling her patience fray at the edges. The best actress category, her category, was the very last one to be announced. She had half a mind to tell everyone to skip the formalities and just let her lose already so she could drink herself dead at the after parties. She knew she wasn't going to win, how could she? She was up against seasoned veterans, women with years of accolades and awards behind them. Sure the crictifs had called her performance, "simply breathtaking," but that didn't mean anything in the grand scheme of Hollywood politics.

Her brother and body guard, Darrien placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "It's going to be okay sis, I'm proud of you no matter what." His voice was a low, familiar rumble that usually grounded her. He had been her only support system and practically raised her by himself. He helped her navigate the glitz and glamour of Hollywood and was the sole reason she still had a career and hadn't drowned in the treacherous waters of fame. She owed him everything, but right now she really wanted him to shut the fuck up.

"Darrien get your sweaty hand off my shoulder, now," she seethed, her voice sharp. Anyone else would've been hurt by her tone, but Darrien knew her better than anyone in the world, so he just chuckled and put his hands up in surrender, his brown eyes sparkling in amusement.

Jaia's heart began to be beat an irregular, wild rhythm as Michelle Yeoh stepped gracefully onstage to present the award, the applause for the beloved actress echoed throughout the theater. As the lights dimmed, highlighting Michelle Yeoh's figure, Jaia's breath caught in her throat. The screen flickered to life, showing snippets of each nominee's performance. The room seemed to close around her, the air thick with tension as the camera zoomed in on her own scene; a rare moment of vulnerability she'd give to the world that was now being scrutinized by millions. She gave the camera a rehearsed smile, the one she'd been practicing in the mirror for over a decade.

"And now here's the moment all of you have been waiting for." Michelle announced, her voice smooth and steady. Jaia clenched her fists, her nails biting into her palms as she braced for the inevitable disappointment. "The Oscar for Best Actress goes to..."

Jaia squeezed her eyes shut, not wanting to hear a name that wasn't hers.

".... Jaia Matthews!"

Grand Dolby Theater erupted in a cacophony of cheers that crashed around her like a tidal wave. But Jaia was paralyzed, her body refusing to move as her brain scrambled to process what just happened. She didn't hear the screams of joy for Darrien beside her, nor did she feel the shaking of her seat as the people around her stood up, clapping and cheering. Her name echoed in her mind over and over again, she thought her heart was going to flip out of her chest and onto the floor.

This was it. This was the moment Jaia had worked for her entire life. Through all of the late nights spent memorizing lines, the countless scripts, getting rejected from roles, all of it came down to this. The camera panned over to her to capture the absolute disbelief on her face, before she very quickly composed herself, letting a rehearsed grin that made her cheeks hurt take over.

Darrien, grinning like an idiot, helped Jaia to her feet and she stumbled slightly as she began the long walk to the stage. The standing ovation followed her footsteps, the applause a creating wall of a sound. Jaia was panicking now, she hadn't even prepared a speech and Gladys was going to tear her a new one if she said anything that too out of line or anything that showcased her true self.