Expect the unexpected.

Guilt.

*Swear words*

I had gotten the call from Cam about Jack, I shouldnt have let Jack leave, I shouldn't have gone out with that girl, its all my fucking fault.

Cam and I were sitting in the waiting room while Jack was being helped. I was silently sobbing, I felt so guilty. But thoughts raced through my mind, almost denial.

It was Cameron's fault. He let JJ get hurt. He should have stopped him.

Cameron was sitting across the waiting room table, dried up tears under his eyes. His stomach had made a weird noise. He stood up, walked a few steps then stopped.

"Do you want anything from the cafe?" He asked, his throat dry.

I gave him a disgusted look.

"Food? Cameron? FOOD? Thats all you are fucking thinking about? After you just got my best fucking friend in the hospital?!" I yelled at him.

He looked at me, his eyes glazing over. He continued to walk away then, I felt slightly guilty too. I shouldnt have yelled at him, I already know he feels incredibly guilty. Cam has had a self harming past, he used to burn himself, when things got too stressed. I had seen them once when Cam, Jack Nash and I had gone swimming after going to a party. Things got wild, and Cam was our driver home, all of us being drunk was hard on him.

Im a mad drunk, so me being me I made him stop the car, which he was reluctant on doing, and after I made him get out I started to beat the shit out of him. After I sobered up things were okay, but I have always carried that with me.

Camerons POV.

I was walking to the cafe. I was walking, but not just walking, the kind of walking that involves over thinking, contemplation.

Ive hated my life. Ive selfharmed. Ive thought about suicide. Ive always been depressed. And it was only until I met (Y/N), that it died down. But also when we went on our own paths that it came back.

She made me happy, always.

I walked past the cafe. Passed the people who I might have known. I had no place to be, no place to go. Hell, I dont think im wanted here.

A nurse was walking with a cart, going to medical closets. I saw her open the closet, and start to carry things in, and unload them. The nurse had a big box, she looked like she was struggling. So I ran up to her.

"Do you want help with that?" I asked, starting to grab a hold of the heavy box full of things and what not.
"Yes, thank you so much." She said, scratching her neck nervously. "Im not really supposed to let you help me, but you were so kind it flew right by my head." She said with a small laugh at the end.

As I was putting the box in the closet, laughing along with her, I noticed a tray of scalpels, all clean, and ready to use. I looked to see what she was doing, seeing that she was picking up a few things she dropped on the floor, I snagged one of the scalpels and put it into my pocket.

I walked out, almost feeling nervous. "Is there anything else you need help with?" I asked. She shook her head, "Nope, I dont think so. Thank you so much though" She said, continuing to unload stuff.

I walked away some-what quickly, thinking of where to go.

It has been months sense ive self harmed, being on tour with the boys and all. I locked myself into a bathroom rolling up my sleeves, ready to cut.

I unwrapped the scalpel.

Did I really want to do this?