Sean started to look for alternative places to hide me. I tried so hard to convince him to stop helping me, that he'd die if he didn't. I told him stories of how awful Andrew had been to me and that if he was willing to hurt me he'd do so much worse to Sean. He wouldn't hear a word of it. He continued to bring me supplies and spent most of his nights with me at the cabin.
Sean had gone to speak with Arthur the day after he'd found us. He did his best to explain the situation but Arthur was still very angry with Sean for putting himself and quite possibly their gang in danger. Despite that, he never said a word of any of it to Dutch, Hosea, or the law.
I knew if Sean wouldn't leave, I'd have to. So one night, late into the evening after he'd fallen fast asleep, that's exactly what I did. I quietly loaded Lady up with supplies and left Sean a letter explaining how much he meant to me and that I couldn't let him put himself in danger for my sake. I could physically feel my heart shattering into a million tiny, little pieces as I rode Lady away from our little cabin we'd called home over the last month.
I decided my best chance at not getting caught was to head North. I stayed off of any and all trails. I worried about the forest floor being too rough on Lady's hooves but I didn't have much of a choice.
I'd found home along another river in Ambarino. The weather was frigid and unforgiving out that way but I was terrified of heading East, West, or into any towns. I wasn't quite into the mountains so it didn't snow but it may as well have with how freezing it was. All I could think of was to set up camp in a huge cluster of trees in hopes no one would see me even if they did come looking for me out this way.
The first few nights were the roughest. I missed Sean. I was cold and wholly unprepared for this weather. I was thankful as hell Sean had taught me how to build a proper fire and prayed he wouldn't be pissed I took his lighter with me.
When I wasn't worrying about the law or what Sean was doing, I was terrified of being eaten by a bear or wolves. My constant crying for the first week was what probably scared them from coming near me.
And yet, despite all that, it was still better than going back to face Andrew in Blackwater. It was better than being inevitably caught with Sean and watching him hang. I thought a lot about that day Arthur had found us. How he'd probably been thankful I did him the one kindness of leaving when Sean wasn't willing to.
God I missed Sean. I missed his dirty jokes and loud laughter. I missed the way he'd look at me when I thought I wasn't watching him. I missed his stories about Ireland and his father. I'd gotten the feeling no one else liked to hear his stories but I could listen to him talk for hours. I missed him so much it made me sick. And I wondered how a man I'd known for such a short amount of time could make me feel the way I did about him. I loved him. My mind wandered back to the night Sean had poured his heart out about his feelings for me.
The summer air outside was hot and smelled like sticky, sweet nectar. Sean and I lay in a field of flowers, more drunk than not, staring up at the starry sky. It had been too hot to sleep indoors that night.
"Ms. Adeline Miller, what have you gone and done now?"
"What are you talking about, Sean?" I looked at him curiously.
"You've gone and taken up all the room in my heart and now I don't know how I'll ever live without you."
"Shut up." I laughed.
"I'm serious. You..are all I could want in life. I thought money was all I could want but you..you've gone and changed that and now I don't know what to do with myself." It was quiet for a moment before he spoke again. "I love you, Adeline Miller," he whispered as if he were speaking directly to the stars.
He turned and looked into my eyes with such longing. "I love you, Sean Macguire," I whispered back and kissed him. We lay like that for a long time.
All I wanted to do was go back to that moment and live there forever.
I spent most days staring into a campfire thinking about my next move. Was I really going to spend the rest of my life in this stupid forest freezing my ass off? Leaving the country started to sound like a good idea. I could make a new life for myself, maybe even write Sean to let him know I was ok and I'd made it out of this alive. Maybe he could even come and join me, we'd live out the rest of our days in some small town in France where no one knew our names. Maybe it was wishful thinking.
Summer was coming to an end and I would have to move camp regardless. I would surely freeze to death at the first sign of snow. I knew I had to leave by mid September and that day was coming up scarily fast. And I knew it would be better to move sooner rather than later.
Early one September morning I started packing my camp up. I didn't have much so it didn't take long. I started to worry about the amount of ammo I had. I'd used most of it for hunting but always kept five spare bullets in case of emergencies. Now that was all I had left. I had a fishing pole but I was a piss poor fisherman. I would have to find more ammo if I didn't want to slowly starve to death.
I went East for a while but I started to get paranoid about running into people so I started to go south. I continued to stay off all trails. It wasn't easy to navigate the thick forests but Lady sure was patient with me. I owed her my life. I'd already be dead or back in Blackwater if I didn't have her. And I would've never met Sean had she not run off on me.
I settled in an abandoned shack for the night and figured I could find my new camp in the morning. It was extremely run down to the point where there were holes in the roof. I searched high and low for more bullets but came up with nothing.
I sat on the floor and cried, cursing Andrew as I did so. Why couldn't he just let me be? Why did he have to go through all that trouble to try and find me? I missed Sean so goddamn much I seriously considered returning to our cabin. But I knew that would be foolish and it would end badly for both of us. I wanted so badly to scream but I didn't even have the luxury of feeling safe enough to do that. So I quietly cried myself to sleep in that stupid, broken down shack.
