Beautiful Soul

The Return

"There is a stubbornness about me that can never bear to be frightened at the will of others. My courage always rises with every attempt to intimidate me. ~Elizabeth Bennett

Jane

I gazed through heavy-lidded eyes at my reflection in the mirror, my eyes looked dull and lifeless I noticed it even though others couldn't or maybe they didn't care enough to notice people tended to be selfish and self-serving at the end of the day, I had come to learn this over time and through some hard truths. I let out a heavy sigh. I knew not everyone was like that, but I was becoming jaded. Events had changed me, changed my core and belief that people were good how naïve I was I knew better now, and I would not forget it ever again. I splashed some water on my face to wake up some before heading back out into the club. I was glad I wore something simple and comfortable instead of a form fitting dress and high heels. I wore pink sequin ballet flats, black high wasted leggings and a pink sequins crop top that matched my shoes. I planned on possibly passing out at the bar tonight being comfortable was a must for such occasions I slid back onto the bar stool I had been occupying for the past hour I waved the bartender down he sidled back down to me and flashed a smile which did nothing for me which was a shame he was very handsome with his short curly black hair light mahogany skin and warm hazel eyes and sensual lips that any girl would love to kiss and I didn't even feel a twinge.

"Same or would you like something different love?" He asked me as he set a glass down in front of me.

Taking I answered rocking my foot to the sultry jazz music filling the club my eyes scanning watching everyone not trusting a single soul, nodding he mixed another vodka and cranberry which I quickly downed as soon as he finished pouring "Just keep them coming" I said without taking my eyes off the people around me I reached over and grabbed my cup once he poured me another one.

"Rough day?" He asked me I turned around to fully face him the genuine concern on his face was surprising not all people are monsters I reminded myself.

"More like rough couple of years, months, days, hours, minutes." I answered honestly, I did not feel up to faking that I was perfectly fine and not a complete mental and emotional mess "But nothing makes it better than good old vodka" I said nodding to my empty glass he eyed me for a moment before refilling my glass.

"I'm sorry to hear that" he finally said, and I knew he sincerely meant that grabbing my glass I downed in and turned away for a moment he had made me feel and that was the last thing I wanted because when I feel I really feel which is a curse at times. Out the corner of my eye I saw him refill my glass and walk away to take care of the other customers. Taking a deep breath, I shut myself back down until I felt like stone hard and cold it was better this way... Who was I kidding it wasn't better but at least it was easier...?

"In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you ardently I admire and love you" Jane Austen

Antonio

I drummed my fingers restlessly against my knee as my uncle drove at a snail's pace down the street towards Jane's home, I was anxious and afraid to see her at the same time. Especially after I left her the hurt in her eyes hunted me every day for the last three months since I walked out her life and left with my uncle to Italy but I couldn't stay away from her any longer I couldn't live without her in my life I needed her and I was afraid she no longer would want anything to do with me after I hurt her something I promised I never would do I thought I had made the right choice I thought I wanted her to have the choice to live a normal life with a normal man not a vampire.. she said she wanted no one else but me but she hadn't lived long and really experienced life she could easily change her mind and I didn't want her to regret her choices and regret being with me but I was wrong for taking her choice away and trying to force her into one and most importantly not trusting her and her feelings towards me thinking they were as fickle as the weather when it was just my fear of her no longer wanting me...So I pushed her away and now it might be too late I wanted to be selfless but I knew deep down within myself I was absolutely selfish when it came to her I wanted her all to myself I had left to give her a chance to live life without me and to prove to myself that I could do the selfless thing for her sake and couldn't I needed her to much excuses be damned I could no longer lie to myself I was a greedy coward.