Beautiful Soul

Handle with care

“Love Consists of this: two solitudes that meet, protect and greet each other.” -Rainer Maria Pike

Jane

I slipped my silk pink nightgown on before going out into my living room. I grabbed my joint out my ashtray on top of my piano grabbed my lighter and lit it, I took a hit as I sat down on my couch. I shouldn’t have taken off like that he was probably worried I rubbed a hand against my forehead god I was a mess, and I knew I would have to tell him everything eventually but how did you tell someone? I could barely admit certain things to myself but if we we’re going to be together, I knew I would have to be completely open with him. But what if I did and I lost him I didn’t think I had just reacted and let my emotions get the better of me I should have stayed and tried to talk at least a little but it was too much I felt so overwhelmed, being around him always did that but it had always felt like a warm blanket wrapped around me but this time I just felt like I couldn’t breathe, and I know it was a lot more than him just suddenly coming back and declaring he wanted us to be together and he was sorry I had my own baggage and secrets I had been carrying for months on top of that my medicine wasn’t working as well as it used to I had to up the dose and it barley helped and that was the strongest medicine my friend had made me she said anything stronger wouldn’t be good for me. I was going to have to learn to handle this power better instead of trying to suppress it. I had been trying before Antonio left but after he was gone, and other things happened it was too much I tried to numb myself with alcohol and smother my power with the pills I was a mess that I could admit sighing I got up and put the joint back down in the ashtray before sitting down at the piano in my living room. I took a deep breath and began to play closing my eyes I let all the emotions and turmoil I was feeling out as I slowly let the feelings of others in tears welled up behind my closed eyes beyond the power of feeling others around me I felt deeply anger for me was rage sadness was despair and when I loved I loved so deeply and completely and when I hurt it nearly broke me and one night as I waited outside for my ride home from the bar drunk and my medicine had worn off I discovered another power I had I could make another person feel whatever emotion I wanted them to feel even pain, a man had come up to me trying to talk I politely declined his advances but he wouldn’t stop even as I kindly asked him once again the smile on his face became a sneer when I had turned away and he grabbed my arm to stop me I hadn’t wanted nothing more than to hurt him and suddenly I felt a rush through my body that seemed to pour into him I watched as he staggered back a look of agony on his face as he dropped to the ground wrapping his arms around himself I took a step back and when my ride came I ran. When I got home I had sat and thought about what I had done to that man and I couldn’t bring myself to feel bad instead I felt good I had fought back I had hurt him and dark part of myself I hadn’t realized was there suddenly surfaced and I realized I had enjoyed what I had done to him did that make me a bad person now or was I justified in my feelings I sat for hours and thought about everything that happened, pain, life and death and what it would do to a person to take a life… I stopped playing my fingers just hovered over the key’s exhaustion pulling at me I needed to go to sleep my mind was spinning and I was wrung out I needed rest at least a few hours if possible and hopefully everything would be clearer getting up I shuffled down the hall to my bedroom opening the door I went straight for my curtains and closed them plunging the room in total darkness, perfect. Going over to my bed I dropped face down, grabbing my pillow I rolled to my side, curled into a tight ball, and let my eyes close as I drifted off into deep sleep.

“You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope...I have loved none but you.”

― Jane Austen

Antonio

I pulled up to her building and parked, getting out I headed up the steps to the building’s entrance once inside I went over to the mailboxes to see which apartment was hers my eyes quickly scanned until scanned until I landed on her last name Jennings apartment 3C bingo, he headed down the hallway past the elevator he went straight for the stairs with a quick burst of speed he reached the third floor he barely noticed his surroundings he was so intent on reaching her once he reached her door he glanced around light blue walls and cream carpets it was nice and serene he could see why she chose it. He knocked gently on her door he waited a moment, but she didn’t come to the door she was home he could hear her heart beat he knocked harder if she didn’t answer he was going to open it he’d pay to have it fixed he had to see her and make sure she was okay ,he heard the click of her locks being turned the door swung open her face was pure irritation for a split second before it changed and she stared up at him blankly for a moment before she stepped back to let him inside he came in pausing he turned to shut and lock the door, he turned back to face her and saw she already started back down the hallway he followed after her she went straight to her bedroom and got back in bed she pulled the covers back over herself her eyes drifted closed her breathing turned deep she wouldn’t be waking up anytime soon especially since he took blood from her seeing the dark circles under her eyes made him wish he hadn’t she looked exhausted, damn he could tell things were going to be unsteady for a little while as he tried to get back into her life and get past the walls she built in his absence they would have to learn to trust and lean on each other again that would take time which he had plenty of and would give it all to her. He brushed a curl out of her face. It was moments like these he wished he could sleep so he could curl up with her and drift off into a deep slumber. Slipping his shoes off he climbed into bed with her, he leaned back against the headboard and crossed his legs, he pulled out his phone he’d take care of the documents and shipment request his uncle had asked him to take care of, he would handle all this while she slept to pass the time and keep him from overthinking everything besides being near her eased his anxiety some, she shifted in her sleep and rolled over so she was pressed against him. He ran a hand through the thick silky tresses of her hair for a few minutes enjoying the feel against it always calmed him and relaxed her especially when she would have an episode she told him it helped ground her in a way by focusing on the repetitive motion of his hand through her hair he did whatever he could to help her during those rough patches, Okay time to get to work he had to pull his focus back and get this done.