His Arranged Bride

Chapter 34

Pratham

Lying on the bed, I stare at the ceiling, lost in my thoughts. Nitya has been on my mind constantly for the past two days. Ever since she returned from her parents' house, she has been quiet, distant even, and it bothers me more than I care to admit.

Initially, I felt she was sad because she missed her parents and brother after she returned. But slowly, I have started wondering if there is something else that's bothering her.

I feel that way because she is not just sad, she is withdrawn. She looks forlorn most of the times, and I have caught her looking out of the window, lost in her world, the sadness in her eyes clenching my heart.

Feeling genuinely worried about her, I have tried asking her the reason behind her sadness many times in the past two days, but she seems to have shut me out completely. No matter how many times I ask her, her reply is 'I'm fine.' Just that and nothing else.

Why won't she tell me what's bothering her?

Along with the worry about her, I also am feeling confused due to my own feelings. I am unable to fathom why I have been caring so much about her. Why the hell do I want to figure out what's the matter with her due to which she has been looking lost for the last two days?

I've told myself countless times that love will never seep into my relationship with Nitya. That I'll properly fulfill my responsibility toward her and that will be it.

There have been times when I have tried to convince myself that being worried for her is also a part of my obligation toward her and nothing else.

But no matter how much I say that to myself, my heart does not seem to agree. There's this nagging feeling in my chest that tells me there's more to it. That perhaps I care more about her not only because of my duty toward her, but also because of something else.

Something else that I have been unable to grasp.

Or, you have already grasped it, but don't want to agree. My heart quips, and I sit up on the bed, feeling my restlessness rise.

Lately, I have started remembering our moments together from the last few weeks. The way Nitya had hugged me when I found her in that abandoned building. The way she had looked at me with unshakeable trust for me in her eyes while saying that she felt safe with me. The way she used to smile at me. The way she used to wait for me to sleep every night before wrapping her arms around me.

She has stopped smiling at me and has also stopped hugging me while sleeping. And that bothers me too much.

Along with it being bothering, it's also unsettling to me.

I don't want to dig deeper into those feelings that her presence seems to evoke in me because I feel it won't be fair to Sandhya. I had promised her forever and I can't sway from that promise now just because she is not with me in this world.

Are you keeping that promise because you love her? Or, is it because of your guilt, Pratham?

Overwhelming remorse follows those questions because I know where they are stemming from.

You can't keep lying to yourself. You need to admit it's because of your guilt and not your love.

Closing my eyes, I remember those moments again. Those last moments when my selfishness snatched Sandhya's life.

"I know you don't mean it, Pratham. You are just confused right now."

"You can't do this to me. I'll die without you."

I had thought she was being overdramatic then because she tended to be that way whenever things didn't go her way.

How was I to know how wrong it was of me to think that?