Aphrodite

Condemned

A knock on my door wakes me up, dragging my feet to the door to stop the pounding matching what's in my head. I open it without looking, only to slam it shut again.  Covering my face with my hand. "Uh..can I come in"? I run my hand in my hair before opening the door again, opening it wider and stepping out of the way, a silent invitation. There's no way I'm getting out of this."You don't have very good manners kitten". Every word laced with amusement. "You surprised me" I say shyly "I wasn't expecting you to come here". He finally looks at me, standing only in an oversized shirt, "clearly" he says with a smirk. Painfully aware I have nothing on under this shirt I cross my legs and arms. So busy trying to figure out why he's here I hadn't noticed the bag he brought in with him "what's that"? I ask. "Oh uhm" he trails off, sounding nervous? "Supplies"
"For"? "Well, you said you weren't feeling well and I didn't know what that meant" he continues as I stare at him wide eyed "so I brought a little of everything". Pulling the items out of the bag laying them out for me to see, he indeed brought everything. Cold medicine, a heating pad, tampons, ice pack, chocolate a thermometer and pain medicine .

"You bought all of that for me"? I look at the pile of things on my counter. "Why"? "You said you don't feel well". He shrugs like it's a normal thing. "I don't understand" not fully able to wrap my head around what's happening. "I couldn't focus in my meetings so I left  so I could come help you"  I want to argue, tell him he can't buy my forgiveness and kick him out, but my head hurts to much already, I just want to go lay back down. When to much time has passed without me talking he says "so, what is it you need"? He eyes up and down my body, reaching for the box of tampons first "are you on your-  I hold my hand up. "Not really a topic I'm up to discuss with you but no, I just have a headache". "So I'll take the ice pack please"

I expected him to leave, to hand me the things and go back to work. Not him to follow me into my room after insisting I go lay back down, Not to rub my shoulder and neck while I lay with the ice pack on my head. I tried to fall back asleep but I couldn't, not with him so close. "You shouldn't have left your meeting just to come here". "And why not?" His hand rubbing over the knot in my shoulder. "Because you can't just do that" "you forget that I'm the boss, I can do whatever I please". I slow sit up pulling away from him, I play with the ice pack that's now gone soft from my body heat. "I think you should go" I don't want him to, in fact it's the last thing I want. I see his hands tense in his lap, he tips his head slightly to the side trying to meet my eye line. I force myself to look up at him before saying " I don't think it's a good idea that you came here". It kills me to face him, saying this. "Why"? Straight to the point.

I struggle to find the words, now stuck in my throat. "Because, I-, not able to stop the tears slowly falling from my eyes. "This is hurting me". Eyes widen, something close to fear painted on his face. "Im hurting you"? "No! I..I didn't mean that, but this" I motion between us "whatever this back and forth is" "that's hurting me". Close to full on sobbing, I can't make out his face to blurred by my tears. I feel his hands grab by cheeks wiping them with his thumbs, like he's done for me, a small sweet gesture. "I don't understand kitten". "Can you explain what you're feeling please"? Fuck. " you offer to help me, do help me, moments like this make me happy, I feel safe with you,". "But then, you make me go on stage, when I didn't want to, don't even come out of your office". Deep breaths, you can do this. "We sleep together and I wake up alone in your house, don't hear from you for a week and then you show up here today, to help me".

It's all out, that vulnerability sinks in, I have no idea how he's going to react. "I don't understand what's going on". "If it just a one time thing that's fine, I'm not asking for more than you're willing to give me. But I need clarity and if that's all you want then this can't keep happening". He stands from the bed, he's walking away. I knew I shouldn't have let myself get this far, to this point but it's better to have it end now. "If you still want me to leave I will, but just let me say this" . "It's not just a one time thing for me. I could never have just one night with you, a lifetime wouldn't be enough for me". "I am sorry I didn't make my feeling clear, and I feel like an asshole for leaving you, and what I said in my office last night". I keep my eyes locked in on him, a lifetime? What does that even mean? "What?" It comes out a choke sob. "I want you Anna, not this arrangement we have, but if I let you in, you won't want to stay".

"You don't know that, you can't decide how I feel" "but I know my life, and I know you and you won't. I can't be with you and not tell you everything". I've never seen him this serious, he's actually afraid I will leave, that I would choose to walk away from him. "I don't want to have this conversation while you're not feeling well and not all at once". "I'm fine" "have dinner with me tonight, if you're feeling better. I need to get back to the office for a bit and we can talk about us". "Okay" all I can mutter without crying again. "Does 7 work okay?" "Yes that works". "Please get some rest, and tell me if you don't feel well enough to go". "I feel better, I'll be fine" he bends down moving the hair out of my face, his face lingering close to me like he's trying to decide if he's going to kiss me, he pulls up slightly kissing my forehead and walking out without a word.

I opt for a light sweater and nice jeans, hoping we aren't going somewhere nice. 7:00 on the dot I see his car pull up, thanking god Macy isn't here to make a scene, luckily her and max had plans for tonight. I slide my key into the lock and start down the stairs. "You look beautiful". I jump back in surprise at him standing at the bottom hand stretched out to grab mine. "Me? Your dressed in a suit and tie, I should go change. It will only take me a minute". "Gripping my hand tightly " I have a change of clothes in the car"
"Where are we going"? "It's a surprise" he pulls me in close, opening the door for me giving a small kiss on my cheek, and I know he saw the blush that appeared. He slips into the driver seat, his hand finding its way to my thigh as we pull into the city traffic.