The Pirate Groom

Chapter Fifty-Five

Inigo was not sure if there was an actual book that laid out in text and illustrations all of the dirty tricks one could use in a fight. But if such a book did exist, surely Humperdinck had not only read it, but had committed it to memory.

Humperdinck fought with some level of skill and deftness, but with a reckless disregard for etiquette or class. As Inigo lunged with his sword, Humperdinck would block, then throw a fallen sailor's boot. When Inigo would parry and spin, Humperdinck would remove a heavy, wooden belaying pin from the rigging of the sails and throw that.

It was not pretty, but it was at least partially effective.

"You fight as you do everything else, Humperdinck. Like a coward."

"I can show you graveyards full of heroes. The bottom of the seas are littered with them. No matter what the poems say, there is no valor in death. Only death."

"The valor comes in how you lived, Humperdinck, and what you died for. I don't expect you to understand. You live, and you have only ever lived, for yourself."

"That was once true," Humperdinck said as a pelican landed on the rail of the ship. Humperdinck grabbed the bird and threw it at Inigo. "But now I live for you and the others. To see you all die!"

And then Humperdinck pulled the dirtiest trick of all.

He pulled out a pistol and aimed it at Inigo's heart.

And pulled the trigger.

Inigo saw a flash of smoke, heard the retort, and felt a spreading pain in his chest as he slumped to the deck of the ship, his arms hanging limp and his sword—his father's sword—falling toward the deck. His vision swam then darkened at the edges as he saw Serena, the love of his life, running towards him.

She looked worried. His last thought as he drifted off into darkness was that he hated to worry her.

Even in the darkness, he could feel her breath on his face, his head on her lap, her fingers stroking his hair. It felt wonderful. He wondered if this was what death felt like. If so, he was looking forward to it. Just not yet.

Inigo felt a terrible pain across his chest, like cracked ribs.

Those would heal.

He felt a deep cut along his left arm.

That could be sewn up.

He also felt an insatiable need to be with Serena for the rest of his life.

Which meant he had to live.

As if willing it, the darkness faded and the bright light of the sun returned. Inigo sat up, dazed.

He could see Humperdinck, who had been laughing with maniacal glee, now turn his head to one side, like a dog who does not understand a noise. Or a command.

Inigo planted his sword into the deck and hoisted himself to his feet. Standing at full height, he pointed his sword at Humperdinck. Inigo opened his shirt collar to feel his chest, looking for blood. Instead, he found his hands close around an object, solid and round.

Fezzik's medallion.

Inigo smiled to himself and nodded.

"Surrender... or die," Inigo commanded.

Humperdinck glared at Inigo, then Serena, then at Westley as he approached. The crew was dead or dying. There was no one left to fight. More importantly, there was no one left to save him.

He opened his mouth to speak, then threw the emptied pistol at Inigo as he turned and ran away.

Inigo and the others started to give chase when Humperdinck turned. Standing at the aft of the ship, he grabbed a rope and kicked the cleat holding it to the rigging.

"I would rather be a coward who wins than a hero who dies."

The thick rope spun upward as the freed sail turned in the breeze, lifting Humperdinck off the deck of the New Revenge and out over the ocean. Sharks leapt out of the water, snapping at his heels.

One of the two remaining ships sped by, counterclockwise, as Humperdinck deftly landed on the helm, pushed the captain of the boat out of the way, and grabbed the wheel, turning it hard to port, trying to ram the ship he had just departed.

Inigo grabbed the wheel of the New Revenge and turned to starboard, colliding with Humperdinck's boat.

The men on Humperdinck's new boat were gathering along the side of their ship to try and board the other when a deafening roar split the air. Inigo cut the wheel hard to port while Humperdinck split off in the opposite direction.

Up ahead was the second fastest of Humperdinck's ships, wrapped from stem to stern in the coils of a massive sea serpent.

As the New Revenge sped by, they saw men on the ship being eaten by the giant serpent, or men abandoning ship and being eaten by the ravenous sharks.

"Three down," Erik said as the second of Humperdinck's fastest ships was destroyed.

"One to go," Lars said.

Westley approached Inigo at the helm. "The waters..."

"I noticed," Inigo said. "Another whirlpool is forming."

The New Revenge sped past as the sea monster reduced the large ship to small splinters. The creature lunged at the New Revenge, but Erik shot off a cannon in the serpent's face, knocking it backward.

"The cannon hardly stopped it," Inigo said in dismay as the monster reared up and lunged at Humperdinck's boat, narrowly missing it.

"We ran out of cannonballs a few minutes ago. I just loaded in some gunpowder to scare it," Erik said.

Lars was shaking an empty barrel. "We're out of gunpowder, too."

Inigo and Westley gave each other knowing looks. They would not be able to close the whirlpool without detonating another barrel in its vortex.

"And you are out of time," Humperdinck yelled as his ship closed in to ram the New Revenge a second time.

Inigo shouted to his crew, "Cut the sails!"

Westley, Serena, Miracle Max, and the two barbarians each ran to a separate mast and cut the sails. The canvas sheets billowed for a moment in the ocean breeze, then fell as one to the deck of the New Revenge, slowing the ship. Inigo cut the wheel hard to port, slowing and turning his ship just enough for Humperdinck's ship to miss them.

"Farewell, all," Humperdinck shouted. "See you in— Huh?!"