The Rivers Son

01

I then turned to face Mrs. Umbridge, but she wasn't there. She was standing at the museum entrance, way at the top of the steps, gesturing impatiently at me to come on.

How'd she get there so fast? It wasn't possible. Unless I was actually crazy like the nasty woman had assumed.

I have moments like that a lot when my brain falls asleep or something, and the next thing I know I've missed something as if a puzzle piece fell out of the universe and left me staring at the blank place behind it. The school counselor told me this was part of the ADHD, my brain misinterpreting things.

I wasn't so Sure.

Halfway up the steps, I glanced back at Peter. He was looking pale, cutting his eyes between me and Mr. Slughorn, like he wanted Mr. Slughorn to notice what was going on, but the teacher was absorbed in his novel.

I followed her deeper into the museum. When I finally caught up to her, we were back in the Greek and Roman section. Except for us, the gallery was empty. This didn't seem right.

Mrs. Umbridge stood with her arms crossed in front of a big marble frieze of the Greek gods. She was making this weird noise in her throat, like growling. I always thought she was a dog.

Even without the noise, I would've been nervous. It's weird being alone with a teacher, especially her. Something about the way she looked was disturbing.

'You've been giving us problems, honey,' she said.

I was smart, I did the safe thing. I said, 'Yes, ma'am.' like she deserved my respect

She tugged on the cuffs of her leather jacket. 'Did you really think you would get away with it?' The look in her eyes was beyond mad. It was evil. She was evil.

I looked at her with wide eyes and said, 'lIl - lIl try harder, ma'am.'

Of course, I had to stutter like a fool.

Thunder shook the building. I didn't know thunder could shake buildings.

'We are not fools, Remus Lupin,' Mrs. Umbridge said. 'It was only a matter of time before we found you out. Confess, and you will suffer less pain.' her voice was demented, I guess it finally matched what was on the outside.

For once I had no idea what the lady was talking about.

All I could think of was that the teachers must've found the illegal stash of candy I'd been selling out of my dorm room. Or maybe they'd realized I got my essay on Tom Sawyer from the Internet without ever reading the book and now they were going to take away my grade. Or worse, they were going to make me read the book. I didn't like that book.

'Well?' she demanded.

'Ma'am, I don't...'

'Your time is up,' she hissed. Then the weirdest thing happened. Her eyes began to glow like barbecue coals. Her fingers stretched, turning into talons. Her jacket melted into large, leathery wings. She wasn't human. She was a Shriveled hag with bat wings and claws and a mouth full of yellow fangs. I knew she wasn't human, but I meant it in a more 'she's crazy mentally' sort of way not a literal monster coming to hunt me down.

Mr. Slughorn, who'd been out in front of the museum a minute before, walked into the doorway of the gallery, holding a pen in his hand. What the bloody hell was a pen going to do?

'What ho, Remus!' he shouted and tossed the pen through the air.

And as if things couldn't get any fucking worse, Mrs. Umbridge lunged at me.

With a yelp, I dodged and felt talons slash the air next to my ear. I snatched the ballpoint pen out of the air, but when it hit my hand, it wasn't a pen anymore. It was a sword.

What the fuck? That was all I could think looking at the scene unfolding in front of me.

As if shit couldn't get crazier, it was Mr. Slughorn's bronze sword he always brought on tournament day.

Mrs. Umbridge spun towards me with a murderous look in her eyes. My knees were jelly. My hands were shaking so badly that I almost dropped the sword. How stupid would I be to drop the only thing that was giving me some sort of protection?

She snarled, 'Die, honey!' And she flew straight at me.

Absolute terror ran through my body. I did the only thing that came naturally: I swung the sword. The metal blade hit her shoulder and passed clean through her body as if she were made of water. I still think she was more of a dog but I was even more surprised I actually made a decent hit on her. She exploded into yellow powder almost on impact, and vaporized on the spot, leaving nothing but the smell of sulfur and a dying screech and a chill of evil in the air, as if those two glowing red eyes were still watching me.

Suddenly I was alone. There was a ballpoint pen in my hand. Mr. Slughorn wasn't there. Nobody was there but me. Just me. Lonely Remus Lupin is once again tormented by his crazy delusions. My hands were still trembling. My lunch must've been contaminated with magic mushrooms or something. Perhaps I was always on magic mushrooms when stuff like this went down. Maybe Lucretia took matters into her own hands to make me out to be crazier than I seemed.

Had I imagined the whole thing?

By the time I went back outside it was raining.

Peter was sitting by the fountain, a museum map tented over his head. Meanwhile, Lucretia was still standing there, soaked from her swim in the fountain, grumbling to her ugly friends. When she saw me, she said, 'I hope Mrs. McGonagall whipped your butt.'

Now it was my turn to be really confused as I said, 'Who?'

'Our teacher. Duh!' She looked at me like I was losing my mind

Perhaps I was losing my mind.

I merely blinked. We had no teacher named Mrs. McGonagall. I tried to ask Lucretia what she was talking about. She just rolled her eyes and turned away.

I then asked Peter where Mrs. Umbridge was.

He said, 'Who?' But he paused first, and he wouldn't look at me, so I thought he was messing with me.

'Not funny, man,' I told him. 'This is serious.'

Thunder boomed overhead. Stupid annoying thunder.

I saw Mr. Slughorn sitting under his red umbrella, reading his book as if he'd never moved.

I went over to him. I had to prove I wasn't crazy because I was not crazy.

He looked up, a little distracted. 'Ah, that would be my pen. Please bring your writing utensil in the future, Mr Lupin.'

Oh what the fuck I wanted to cry out as I handed it over. I hadn't even realized I was still holding it.

'Sir,' I said, 'where's Mrs. Umbridge?'

He stared at me blankly. 'Who?'

'The other chaperone. Mrs. Umbridge. The maths teacher.'

He frowned and sat forward, looking mildly concerned. 'Remus, there is no Mrs Umbridge on this trip. As far as I know, there has never been a Mrs Umbridge at Hogwarts Academy. Are you feeling all right?'

Oh god. I was crazy. I am crazy!?