THE STONES THROWN AT YOU

A stone is a hard, solid, nonmetallic mineral matter that constitutes rocks. Stones are often used in similes and metaphors to denote weight or an absence of feeling, expression, or movement. Throwing stones can also signify judging, condemning, discrediting, or belittling others. Frequently, it is an act of aggression or hostility, symbolizing an attack or an attempt to harm someone, either physically or emotionally. The metaphorical use of "throwing a stone" implies making a critical, injurious, or accusatory remark about someone. It conveys the intent to verbally or socially 'strike' or 'wound' another, akin to throwing a stone at them physically. This behavior is generally viewed as a counterproductive and antisocial method of expressing negative emotions or attempting to dominate others.

Have stones been thrown at you? I've certainly had my share and i still do. If you have not, wait for it because it will certainly come. Sometimes when people throw stones at you, it's not necessarily because of something you've done right or wrong. Their critique might highlight aspects of yourself that you're trying to improve. They might overlook your efforts and discredit your contributions. However, you have the power to choose how to respond. You can perpetuate the negativity, or you can use their criticism to create something positive for yourself.

Back In 2015, I worked in an interesting organization. In this organization,  Although not a member of the management staff, I suggested approaches that could be adopted to ensure sufficient guest relations and management to individuals in management human relations positions. They subscribed to my ideas on many occasions and sometimes even asked me for them. I thought everything was great and that I was part of the system, but not quite. I realized soon that someone in management, my direct line supervisor, did not like me. She haunted me and escalated whatever situation involved me. She would blow minor errors out of proportion and ensured I got quarried or memos from top management. I was getting into frequent trouble, so much so that I got suspended at one point and even surcharged. When I tried to confront her and in my defense against her antagonism, she accused me of trying to attack her and informed me that she could see to the end to my employment before proceeding to say the one thing that has stuck with me to this day: " We are just managing you here". Now, every Nigerian knows what it means when someone says to another, "I am just managing you."

That moment really struck a chord  in me. Why do they feel the need to "manage" me? I show up, put in the work, dedicate the hours, and exert the same effort as everyone else. Why do they feel the need to tolerate me?" I pondered this question repeatedly.
I was deeply hurt by the incident. I was so distressed and I cried for weeks. Unable to bear the situation, I approached HR and reported the individual. Despite the individual's close relationship with the HR personnel, I was surprised that HR made her apologize. However, her apologies could not erase the harm that was done because echoing thought in my mind persisted: "I am neither handicapped nor disabled." It baffled me why this individual believed they were doing me a favor by allowing me to work here.

The statement, "We are just managing you here," felt like a devastating blow, as though I had been struck with a stone and couldn't retaliate - I had to hold onto it. It joined the collection of other stones I carried, uncertain of what to do with them.

My life at that point and even before had been a difficult punishment. I had endured countless misfortunes and was drowning in many of them. I was merely existing in survival mode, grateful for each new day and the simple fact that my heart hadn't stopped.
I remembered confiding in this supervisor at some point about my personal problems, and i wondered if the details of my life which i shared with her on a personal level were the reasons  she felt "they are just managing me?"  I was never able to understand why I deserved such a statement, and it took me a while, but God helped me to at least  do something about it.

Do you know something else you can do with a stone? You can shape it for a purpose and make a gem or jewel out of it. You can build a gate and create a wall with it. You can make something solid out of it. When it lands on you, it will hurt, break, or grind you, but if you pick it up, shape it, and give it time to form, you are very likely to end up with a precious thing.

As of 2015, I was the only one in my job position who did not have a school cert, much less a degree. I did a couple of vocational courses which are great. I learnt some skills, brilliant; I could articulate myself, and I could deliver on my job, not bad also, but I did not have a WAEC, nor did I have a degree. Meanwhile, everyone had at least a diploma.

It was not as though I did not know the importance of being actually educated. I valued education by all means, but I could not afford it; my life was too hard. This particular organization would be my first experience in a corporate environment. In fact, how I got the job itself was a whole other story.  To me, it was a miracle, and it was. I had convinced myself that not having a school certificate or a degree but still excelling in a job is not only inspiring but enough. I felt mine was a testament to the value of practical skills and determination. I thought I was an example of how one can overcome societal expectations and create one's own path to success. I thought I was special; it took one stone thrown my way to knock me out and shatter this illusion.

After eight weeks, I finally understood the reason why I couldn't stand up for myself. It was because I feared that doing so might cost me my job. I felt trapped because I was afraid that no other employer would hire me due to my lack of proper qualifications. In a sense, I realized that what she said was true - they were indeed managing me. I accepted that I deserved the stone I received, and in that moment, I embraced the pain and transformed it into determination. I took the metaphorical stone that was thrown at me and reshaped it into a sword. I enrolled for the WAEC exam in 2017 but failed in mathematics. I didn't give up and tried again in the following year, only to face failure once more. In 2018, I made another attempt and this time, I succeeded.

Because of the stone that was thrown at me, in 2018, I was able to tick the box as a WAEC school certification holder. Shortly after, in May of the same year, I applied to pursue a degree in Mass Communication at the National Open University of Nigeria and was accepted into the program. Fast forward to March 2023, I successfully completed my studies and graduated with a BSc. in Mass Communication from the National Open University of Nigeria (NOUN), achieving a commendable CGPA of 3.95.

Back In 2016, I yearned for a savior. As an orphan, born into nothing and left with nothing, I had been influenced by Nollywood's portrayal of someone coming to rescue me, and I longed for salvation. Living with and fending for my younger siblings, my life already was a heap of stones, and then it took just one stone from this supervisor to make it worse. One vicious comment, one attempt to crush me.

People can only bury you if you are buryable, and you have to be dead to be buryable. I wasn't dead. I was battered, worn out, and exhausted, but I wasn't dead. That's why I knew exactly what to do with this one stone! Because of this stone, I am now in Canada pursuing a master's degree, and creating miracles with every obstacle. 

What are you going to do with your stones? How many have you got? Mine was a pile!

Is anybody looking down at you or mocking you regarding your current situation? What if I suggest you work hard not to prove anyone wrong but to improve yourself in that area where the stones have been thrown? In as much as stones can hit really hard when they land on us, they can help us realize our weaknesses or deficiencies, and when we work hard on them, we can build an Empire. As a lifetime collector of stones, I counsel that you be slow to throw back the stones thrown at you but, instead, gradually use them in setting your Empire, and when the Empire is set, and they ask how Looking surprised, you can then tell them what their stones were used for. Build a wall of safety, security, and audacity with your stone. Transform your life into something remarkable, become someone, and let your life's testament be the challenges you've conquered. No matter where the stone falls—whether it it weighing down your spirit or burdening your heart—you may feel shattered, abandoned, or bewildered. It could signify betrayal, the loss of a loved one, divorce, mistreatment, failure, or any other adversity; you can convert your stones into stepping stones and then milestones.  There is nothing beyond your reach. There is nothing that you cannot do with these stones thrown at you.