Not Perfect Night, Doomed Night -[BBANGSAZ AU]

Intro to My Life

Hey guys this thing has been sitting in my drafts for a year now and I decided to publish it now. lol. I'm adding more to my plate but whatever. I felt bad for just deleting this work so I'll just post what I have so far. Don't expect updates often. This was just a little fun one off thing that I wrote while juggling my other two works. Anyways read on. 

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Minji's POV:

Today is April 28th, 8,395 days since my birth, 3,285 days since I hit puberty, 1324 days since I started college, 229 days since junior year started, and 0 days since I've gotten laid.

I'm 23 years old, and I'm still a virgin. Yep, you read that right. Me, Kim Minji, a 23-year-old virgin. I'm just gonna come out and say it. Now don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm hideous or anything, but I guess I'm just outstandingly average. Sure, people will compliment me here and there, but it's never anything extravagant. But this? This is humiliating. Twenty-freaking-three and still untouched. Nearly 24, too, with my birthday on May 7th.

And if my calculations are correct, that means I've got ten days . Ten days to change everything. Ten days to not be the punchline of my own life. Okay, I'm being dramatic, but this sucks. Forreal.

Here's the thing: it's not just that I'm a virgin. It's also that I'm a junior in college, and I still feel like I don't fit in at all. I've spent most of my college years buried in books or at basketball practice, trying to avoid the social scene. Parties? Not my thing. Hanging out with friends? Hard pass. I wouldn't know what to do with myself even if I tried.

Honestly, maybe things would've been different if I didn't have... well, let's just say, what's in my pants...

I'm what they call a true hermaphrodite, which, if you didn't know, is just a fancy word for someone who's female but has male "parts". It's rare—like, super rare. Only about 4% of the population gets this, and of course, I had to be one of those lucky 1 in 5000 births.

So yeah, life's handed me a pretty shitty deal. And if you think it gets better, you're wrong. It doesn't. It only gets worse.

I can't date guys.

I can't even think about getting close to them. Why? Because, first, there's my D (obviously). Second, there's my overthinking brain, convinced that every guy would freak out if they knew what was going on down there. I mean, if I were a guy, I wouldn't want to be with a girl who's got the same parts as me... right?

Anyway, here's to another day of living the life no one talks about.

But let's back up a bit. You remember last year's Halloween party? Yeah, the one where everyone got hammered and I thought it was a good idea to go as Hermione Granger? Solid choice, right? Wrong. Somewhere between my fifth butterbeer (it was just straight vodka) and the awkward conversation with a guy dressed as a sexy Pikachu, I decided to share my "fun fact" with him. Spoiler: not everyone thinks it's as cool as I do that I can pee standing up and sitting down. Pro tip: maybe don't bring that up when you're trying to make new friends or, you know, trying to not stay a virgin forever.

And then there was that one time in the dorm showers. Picture this: I'm just minding my own business, shampooing my hair, when suddenly, Becky from the next room over slips on a bar of soap. Classic, right? Except she falls straight into my stall, eyes wide as saucers when she notices the unexpected guest down below. We both froze, and she bolted faster than I could say, "It's not what you think!" I don't even want to imagine the rumors going around the dorms after that.

Or that time in my intro to Human Biology class—irony at its finest—when we were learning about (well duh) the human anatomy, and the professor decided to mention intersex conditions. Just casually, you know. I could feel my face turning into a freaking tomato, and as if on cue, someone said, "Can you imagine being born with both?" Well, hi, hello, welcome to my life. I almost raised my hand just to see their reactions, but I chickened out. But oh, the fantasy of dropping that bomb. Missed opportunities, am I right?

So, yeah. That's my life. Still waiting for the day when it'll be something out of a rom-com and not a tragic comedy. Until then, I guess I'll keep writing to you, you're the only one who gets it.

P.S. Only nine days now until I officially enter "24 and still a virgin" territory. Wish me luck... or just a miracle.