Born to love again

Still beating

Sookie Stackhouse sat on the corner of her Gran's couch with a glass of whiskey sour in hand, nursing her alcohol with the ease of a practiced sailor. This was her 3rd glass tonight and she was still too sober for her liking. She spent most nights like this, in front of the TV staring blankly at the charmingly practiced smile of Eric Northman as he was interviewed by yet another late-night talk show host. Something about taking a small trip? Vacation? Sookie couldn't for the life of her be bothered to follow along, too preoccupied with checking out the vampire to catch the fluff.

She is now 30 years old, technically 29 since that whole fiasco in the Faerie world stole an entire year of her life from her, too old to be stalking her ex like a schoolgirl. Eric is not my ex. And too fucked up to stop, because as much as it embarasses her to say.. think. Seeing Eric's smiling face helps her get through the night.

It is now 4 years since her best friend Tara Thornton passed in the Hep-V crisis, god rest her soul. Sookie still had no idea if Tara ever forgave her for forcing Pam to turn her into a vampire. They never got to talk about it before she got staked by a Hep-V vamp, but Sookie hoped at least that being a vampire didn't screw her chances of getting into heaven because she knows Tara deserves it just as much as any other Christain, especially after the amount of times she has saved Sookie's life.
4 years since she assisted her first love Bill Compton in his suicide by her hand and 4 years since she decided to forgo being a normal human, and remain a Fae forever. And although she regretted her decision and she could very well remake her choice, she lost her nerve years ago.

Sookie grabs her remote and turns off the television lost in thought. The world has moved on from Sookie Stackhouse. Nearly everyone is fully vaccinated against Hep-V, and those who did contract the deadly virus in their bloodstream take pills that have eliminated its existence to the point of having disappeared. 'NewBlood' has saved the lives of millions of vampires and is more universally known than 'TruBlood' could ever dream of.
Everyone has moved on, except her.

Perhaps it's selfish of her to wish things could go back to the way they were so many years ago. Countless horrible things happened to everyone around her, especially to her friend's and family, but she couldn't help but think that at least she was happier. At least she wasn't awoken every night by the memory of her killing her first love. Of watching Bill's eye's dull and his fingers loosen from that stake, and finally, watching as the blood spurt in her face, in her mouth, on her hands soaking her in his remaining essence. Leaving her with no choice but to accept that she will never see him again in this life.

She tells herself that it's because of the guilt that there's a bleeding hole in her heart, a hollow space that can never be filled again. That's the reason why she can't bear to take a single step outside of her Gran's house anymore. The reason why poor Jason and his wife Brigette's groceries take twice as long to complete and are twice as heavy as they used to be when she no longer has any food in the house. The reason why she has weekly visits from Adilyn Bellefleur when she can't find a reason to open her mouth anymore.
And not because she can't admit to herself that she doesn't regret it, that some dark small part of her took a grim satisfaction in it even.

Sookie doesn't register the tears dampening her cheeks at first. It's a common occurrence when she finds herself lost in the past but before she could bother with wiping away the tears she hears a knock at her door.
She stills and every muscle in her body tenses in fear. Her brother Jason and his wife have their own set of keys, rarely feeling the need to knock anymore and Sookie couldn't find it in her heart to bar Jason from visiting their Gran's house.

Grandpa Niall doesn't visit anymore after their last argument, besides he doesn't even use the door, and her friends? Arlene Fowler-Bellefleur, Holly Bellefleur, Lafayette Reynolds and Sam Merlotte? Everyone has their own lives to live and can't worry about 'Crazy Sookie' anymore.
So who was at her door so late into the night?
Perhaps she was drunker than she thought she was because she slips her toes into her slippers and slowly approaches the front door, peering through the closed blinds before opening the door slightly breathless.

"Eric?" Sookie sounded out hesitantly, her tongue sounding out each syllable sweetly, the name tastes foreign on her lips after so many years. He looks the same as she had remembered. Not at all like TV-Eric with the fake smile, and white business professional attire. No, her Eric stood tall with all of his 6 '4 viking glory covered head to toe in black.
"Sookie," He replies in that soft spoken tone of his and Sookie questions if perhaps she accidentally had a 5th glass of her whiskey sour because god damn he sounded the same.

Through her muddled mind Sookie's hands found their way to his coarse leather jacket, almost slipping beneath his undershirt before she knew it. This wasn't some alcohol induced hallucination or a dream. This was real, she could feel him.
Sookie felt the way he tensed underneath her touch, the way he unconsciously leaned into it, and the way he looked at her.

"You've been crying." He stated simply.

She dried her cheeks furiously, turning her face in hopes that he wouldn't see. "I haven't seen you since–" I killed Bill. Sookie wanted to speak those words aloud, but she couldn't. Even after everything, she couldn't force herself to say those words.
She tried again, "You left Eric–" She wanted to slap herself silly. The first time she's seen this man in how long and she can't help but put her foot in her mouth. Way to go Sook.

She takes a deep breath putting on a smile, hoping it doesn't look as shaky as it feels. "Would you like to come in?" She extends the invitation to her old friend. Sookie wasn't sure how long vampire invitations last, but she didn't want to embarrass herself anymore if it turned out he needed one. She glued her eyes on his jacket, and she distracted herself by counting how many divots were in his zipper.
Eric doesn't say anything for a moment and she wished not for the first time, that she was able to read his thoughts.

Sookie hears as he crosses the threshold, his boots stopping just a few inches away from her. At this she does lift her head up, and shocks herself when she finds Eric's stunning blue eyes on her. She doesn't give herself time to read his expression before looking away, "Shoe's off, you know this." And Sookie wonders if he does know this. She had repeated it to him so many times, but that was when he had lost himself and while Eric had said he remembered everything after regaining his memories, Sookie wasn't sure if anything had gotten lost in the chaos, especially after 4 long years.