I crave something I need
but will never have.
Sensations of a functional,
kind, stable family
Reach me.
The hands of mental illness
choke me
as I struggle to cry,
a home filled with numbness.
Tears of my soul
are stomped on,
so far away.
Headphones pressed
to my ears,
yet never useful enough
to block out
the yelling,
the mean behavior.
But not useful enough
to silence the echoes
of what I never had.
The father who
should have loved me,
but never could.
The harsh words,
the mean energy
of a woman
who resented me
for existing.
I notice what
was never there—
real, true joy
and love,
a lie I desperately sought.
My only thoughts
are of the truth.
They never cared.
Why did you do that?
I thought you loved me.
My mother’s care
was a flicker
amidst the storm,
but leahs turmoil
was rooted deep,
fed by shadows
of her own mother’s spite.
The promises made
drift away like smoke,
and I’m left suffocating
in the hollow echoes
of what was never real.
In the dark abyss,
the void calls to me,
a siren's song of escape
from a life that never fit.
Would it be better
if I just vanished,
a ghost of unfulfilled dreams?
The ache pulls me under,
where light is a cruel joke
and silence feels like peace
in a world that never was.
