The Happiest Assassins on Earth

To the Purple Wall

"I will not spin again," Yelena says as she tenses every muscle in her firm hand.

Jennifer rolls her eyes in answer and flashes the screen of her phone. She adjusts the shopping bags on her arm that swing in response as she texts a reply to her cousin;

"It's Bruce. Should I tell them we'll connect at lunch?"

"Oh my god,' Yelena clutches her stomach, 'do not talk about lunch. Disgusting."

"Look at this photo," Jen shows her phone.

"I look cute," Yelena boasts, tapping the large pink rodent ears on her head before removing them to adjust her hair.

"I look cute, too," Jennifer shares her second photo and scans the area for another picture spot. "Where is the infamous purple wall? I need a shot in front of that one with my new micro bag and fanatic sweatshirt. How's my lipstick?"

"It is fine. The wall is this way," Yelena points to the right, by the area dedicated to a futuristic theme.

"We should stop at the shops on the way. I need a gift for Patsy. And Pug. Oh my god! It's going to rain, isn't it? What time is the 3:00 parade?"

Yelena pauses in her tracks and pivots to glare at Jennifer, who snaps her gum.

"What?" Jen stops in the middle of excessive foot traffic.

"3:00 parade?"

She blinks, "...Oh! Yeah. Duh. 3:00."

"The heat is taking over."

"It's so hot!"

Yelena takes her phone from the pouch of her strapped, fashionable purse, "I got us rapid passes for the coaster at 2."

"Perfect. Everyone? Or just us."

"Only for us."

"Perfect," she whispers with visible gratitude, replacing her ears and pauses to check in a bakery window to ensure they're evenly placed.

Yelena taps her purse, "I want to trade card."

"Okay. You do that. I need to reapply my lipstick."

"In the shop window? The bakers are staring at you."

Jen gawks, "You think? He's kind of cute."

Yelena rolls her eyes and heads inside the shop with a Western theme, eager to trade her cards with the employees behind the counter. If she is going to collect the lot of 5 different designs by the end of the day, she needs to start trading now. She's been preparing for weeks, researching the real art from the fake and investing in a 'throwaway' series to better collect what she wants.

The floor creaks as she scans the displays and waits for her turn behind multiple families and stoic bodies leaning against the wall in pure exhaustion. Some, no doubt, have spent one too many days out in the heat with their exhausted family.

She circles, wasting time pretending to look at cards she's already collected.

A family with a child cut her off as she attempted to stand in line, and another pushed their stroller into her heels.

"Excuse me?!" Yelena momentarily loses her composure.

"Excuse you," the mother of the family snaps in response, continuing about her day.

Yelena shrugs in frustration, waving her hands and giving up on waiting to trade when she notices the mother claiming the card she's been eyeing on the board.

She leaves in a huff and finds Jen waiting outside and people watching, "A mother push her stupid cart into my feet!"

"Get this!" Jen shifts her weight, eyes wide, "While you were in there? A man hit me with the light stick he was waving. No apology!"

"Come on, let's go," she huffs.

"We should make it a game," Jen checks her nails, swinging her bags to her other forearm. "It's a point system. The first one to ten owes the other party a Kiwi slushy. If a kid blows bubbles in your face, it's 2 points. If a parent hits you with a stroller, it's a point."

"What is walking into an ignorant adult stopping short in the middle of traffic?"

"3 points. Easily,' Jen checks her phone, 'oh crap."

"What?"

"Your family and Bruce somehow got on the coaster before us. Well, that sucks! I wanted us to be first. They're so dumb; it's a 30-minute wait. We'll get on much faster with the pass."

"Hell yes," Yelena taps Jen and then points to a floral kiosk. "Look, margarita."

"WHERE?! Do you want one? I'm getting two."

Yelena sighs, "No, I want picture at purple wall without drink."

"I'll put it down."

"We have to look cute!"

"The straws come with mini umbrellas. We can get drinks and watch the tropical flower show. And THEN go to the wall. Come on! That sounds fun."

"I don't want to see flower."

"Why not? They're fake, so they don't have pollen. They won't cause an allergic reaction. They sing! It's cute. We're watching the tropical flower show."

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A/N: Hi fellow theme park adults, I see you