DEADPOOL'S BIG ADVENTURE

HEY YOU - ptss - over here, read me

HEY THERE, YOU BEAUTIFUL SON OF A GUN! (Or daughter of a gun, or non-binary child of a gun. I'm inclusive, dammit!) Get ready, because you, yes you, are about to slip into the red spandex of the always charismatic, undeniably gorgeous, and fantastically insane Deadpool - Y/n L/n.

The only name that matters in this dimension-hopping, fourth-wall-shattering, mind-melting clusterfuck of a story!

Now, before we dive balls-deep into this cosmic acid trip, let me take a moment to remind you that this shitshow is written by some douchebag named THATONEMAYFIELD. So, screw him for whatever hell you're about to endure. And while we're at it, we're gonna throw in a big "FUCK YOU!" to THATONEMAYFIELD for making me, ME! share the spotlight with that Ryan Reynolds guy. Yeah, you know, the one who plays that other Deadpool you see in the movies. What a handsome devil. He's in this too, but as a different Deadpool. Because... multiverse, baby! Wade Wilson is back, bitches!

But wait. THATONEMAYFIELD isn't done torturing your eyeballs yet! We've got the man, the myth, the mutton chops himself Hugh Jackman as the forever ripped Wolverine. Seriously, how the fuck does this guy stay so jacked after all these years? HGH? The blood of his enemies? Someone get me his workout plan!

And hold onto your chimichangas because we're not stopping there. We've got Emma Corrin as the bald baddie Cassandra Nova. Yeah, you heard me. The villain with a head so shiny, it's blinding. Also, spoiler alert... bald is the new sexy.

Then there's the lovely and lethal Dafne Keen as Laura Kinney, a.k.a. X-23. That's right, folks, she's all grown up and the best there is at what she does. And what she does is look damn fine while kicking ass. Oh, and did I mention she's the love interest? 'Cause she is, and you're totally head over heels, my friend.

And the cast just keeps getting hotter, crazier, and more expensive than that time I bought a Hello Kitty katana on eBay. We've got more characters coming your way, along with some mind-melting cameos that Disney and Fox could never afford in their fucking wildest wet dreams. Trust me, you'll need a second mortgage to handle all this awesomeness.

Now, quick question for you... who do you think is playing Charles Xavier in this fever dream? Is it the young, sexy James McAvoy, or the classic, sophisticated Sir Patrick Stewart? Hell, maybe it's both. Let your brain melt as you ponder that one.

And before I go slicing my way through the multiverse in this fucked-up adventure, I just gotta say one thing. FUCK YOU, TVA! And an apology to Kevin Feige because this is one ride that's going to make Endgame look like a children's puppet show. You can't control this chaos, Kev, so just sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.

So strap in, buttercup, because DEADPOOL'S BIG ADVENTURE is about to go down, and it's going to be epic, more insane, explicit, and unapologetically violent than ever before.

now... LET'S FUCKING GO!