𝑭𝒂𝒕𝒆

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐕𝐈𝐈 -𝐔𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝𝐥𝐲

                      Events have turned too quickly as I just found myself smiling unconsciously, the other day I was glancing around as I felt desperation inside, part of me was eager to see him while the other day turned to heaven then hell as I felt incredibly jealousy. Seems that this man turned my insanity gotten worse, his acts are both irrational and fair. Another day came where I longed for his touch yet he's not there but then whenever I don't need to, he's there, caressing my arms and embracing me, not wanting to let go. Nights come where the breeze is colder than before, the ice melted yet still frozen till it reaches my heart.

The man fell for me, he says, and I believed it. I really did. Loving him undeniably felt so good to the point that I'm starting to lose from the battle yet still a warm smile plastered on my lips. It feels good in some way. Those words of his kept dragging me all the way in hell and I'm gladly accepting it, I don't understand why?

Why do I find heaven in hell?

As his arms around me, it felt like a fiery rope hugging me tight, so tight that I can witness how my skin burned and got skinned yet it feels so...good. My sword is on the floor and so my pride and path, with a snap of fingers, I suddenly became dependent on him. I can't feel anything unless he's around. I can't process it unless my eyes find him. My body seeks for him and him the same as me.

"I love you" The word escaped from my mouth that I never said before, it felt so odd and... great. He then replied to the same way, those eyes of his kept pulling me against him, thus, my mind kept telling me to keep away, "He's a danger".

Yet tell me what love can do?

With him taking my hand while kneeling down and looking at me with those deep eyes, asking me to dance with him. Should I say no?. Though how many times I convinced myself this is foolish, I still said yes. No matter how many times I need to tell him I don't want to, my body can't lie and keeps asking for more. What's wrong with me?. 

As he took me to dance, he ushered me to the centre of darkness where the only light is, and there, with his hands on my waist, mine on his shoulders, we danced. Our eyes are connected to each other and same as our soul– the thing that surprised me is I do have a soul, he lets it out and holds onto it, so, so am I–. With our feets synchronised with each other, we let our bodies and minds move, neither of us speak as our eyes can communicate, and it's better than words.

Resting my head on his shoulder, my eyes forced to shut and there I felt a recognizable aura. Pain & Grudge. Yet I still moved and remained calm, ignoring the signals I felt even though it's in front of me as I felt a familiar feeling making my grip on him tightens.

Days have passed, the gut inside me started to build itself and rose. With my eyes gaze to the man in front of me, and suddenly, those smiles of his are far from real till those words of his turn into ash as I can feel something burning inside him. And there, I realised, he's a vengeful immortal, just like me. That burning desire of his for revenge is now visible in my eyes, the desire of him to finally take over and hold on to what he wants, that eagerness in his eyes to do anything just to achieve that goal of his.

A wicked one.

And yet, despite all of that, I went to his embrace, taking his dagger, and stabbed through my soul countless times. It hurts me yet I still clasps onto it, a senseless move, I can tell.

"I love you" The words came out from his mouth as he pulled me closer to him. Totally opposite of what I can see through him, "I despise you", it says. A smile formed on my lips as I took a look at him, my gaze softening as I could clearly see the difference from before to now. Is this what mortals feel like whenever they rise up to something they wished they never did? I felt regret. Uttering the same words that he said, a smile formed on his lips. A lie. Fake.

- - -

I loved once and it turned out betrayal, I loved and got betrayed again. Seems like history just repeats itself. I am in a circle of this fate, I felt tired, yet life keeps going, I died yet still, it keeps going. Grasping on the wheels, it just crashed my fingers resulting in me unable to feel anything or can't reach the life I want.

What did I even do to deserve this?

Coughing up blood, I looked down to my chest where a dagger implanted, I could feel how my heartbeat slowed down. In front of me is a man, Eros. Staring at me as he watches me slowly lose all I had, the throne I've taken for is now sitting on and the wealth I worked for is on his control.

"You see, Amara" he started, his voice infuriating yet it paved away from the fact that I still felt the love within me. My eyes are speaking yet he already has his boundaries on, he just considers it as 'just' a noise. With no response from mine, he continued, "You get deceived too, easily" he said, followed by a chuckle.

He's a clown and I'm just an audience that lets him fool me and it's just alright as I'm just laughing it out. A fool.

"Did you really think I loved you?" He chuckles as his fingers tap on the Arm throne while his gaze darted down to me, "I can't love a monster like you" he leaned, emphasising every word he'd said. My breathing starts to get heavy as darkness starts to escort me to hell, "Why?" the only words I muttered before collapsing on the floor. His laughter echoed across the room before everything got blurry and silent.

I guess love and to be loved isn't for me at all.