regret [eng] | hyunlix

dans sa love story

the feeling of being observed didn't seem to leave felix alone, although he supposedly was the only one living mind in this room he felt so strange. his mind was playing games with him because he could swear he has been seeing something moving, even if it was in the corner of his vision. the darkness surrounding him was kind of calming if he had to exclude the odd, foreign to him feeling, the not so tiny spots that have been moving around the room and the little lights flashing and blinding felix, he swore he was seeing. maybe it really was his sick mind playing tricks or jokes that haven't been funny nor reasonable.

it seemed like all he needed was the particular raven head to be beside him, he would whisper sweet words with his soothing velvety voice to him and call him adorable names like he always did.

laughters of the two filled the four walls which hyunjin along with felix were occupying, the blonde never felt so happy as in this especial for the two moment.

hyunjin was now on top of felix tickling him and the other one couldn't seem to hold his laughter, he was cackling -„oh m-my hyu-hyunnie stop i'm g-gonna fa-ha faint!"- he finally managed to get the sound out of him between the waves of laughter. but that didn't didn't stop hyunjin, it only encouraged him to keep going. felix tried to desperately tickle him back but the older didn't seem to do anything about it, he went for the further action and tried to push of the ravenette of off him but that also didn't bring awaited effects. tiny diamonds began to find a was from his eyes down his face. hyunjin perceiving the consequences of his action suddenly stopped his movements and just hung above the younger boy -„i'm sorry so-so sorry, sunshine. don't cry, i apologize for being a terrible boyfriend, please let the tears fall again, i beg"- he then began to wipe off the little tears off the blondes face with the use of his bony fingers only to meet the other confused expressions -„jinnie"- he murmured, then continued -„you didn't do anything wrong nor are you a terrible boyfriend, those are tears of laugher, dummy"-the blonde smiled at now hyunjins expressions because he appeared to just have seen a ghost

-„oh"

-„oh"

felix bursted out laughing and hyunjin was just admiring him, his pale face shined in the pale moonlight, hyunjin felt like his lover borrowed a bunch of shining stars from the starry sky and scattered them around his cheeks, a little bit upon his forehead and lent hyunjin a one placing it right under his eye. felix was blessed with beauty, his plump lips were heart-shaped and they were the only thing hyunjin could think of while observing his charming grain. looking at him being a pleasure hyunjin was grateful to experience. felix was like the beauteous painting to hyunjin. he was hyunjins most precious valuable painting and he promised he would never let him go.

the tears were now streaming down his face at the memory of their then relationship, the voices in his head were getting louder and louder, more repetitive and he felt like he was going crazy. maybe he was? what they had was special, their connection was special and he just chided it. he destroyed it under the influence of his own impotence, he was weak and he couldn't fight the feeling nor fight for the man whom was the reason of his existence. instead of leaving hyunjin he should have fight and win. but he didn't and that is what made him want to disappear. what was the point of his further existence if he has lost his point and his other half, you can't function properly being only a half. half of felixs soul was being taken away from him along with the man he adored and needed the most in this cruel world.

felix was now on his way to meet the love of his life, he wanted to taste the feeling of their pure love one last time. the invisible clock upon his head was ticking and felix couldn't do anything about it. felix was supposed to be in the park they planned the meeting in 10 minutes, he was sure he is going to be late since the distance from his house to the park was a longer route than 10 minutes but something in his heart implied him that hyunjin will wait for him like he always did.
and it didn't disappoint him because hyunjin was in fact waiting on the bench they first met on and were supposed to meet for the last time on. when hyunjin saw his lover he like an impulse immedietely got up off the bench and was about to lean, like he always did for a kiss, but felix didn't want to make it any harder and rejected it, just like that.

-„hey, love, something happened?"- he asked, sitting down on their bench, waiting for his then lover to do the same. -„um, w-well"-he scolded himself in his mind for stuttering, not looking into hyunjins face, immediately sensing the tears in his eyes. he tried to blink them away, still doing everything he could just to not look into his lovers eyes.
-„felix, you're worrying me, is everything fine? look at me."-said hyunjin, capturing the crying boys face turning it to his own. -„lixie"-he murmured. -„why are you crying?" -at his boyfriends words, felix just burst out crying loudly then hid his face into hyunjins arm, oh god he wants to never let go of him, but that seems impossible if we take a look at the situation he finds himself in. the weather was sultry, the distance between the two made it worse. hyunjin just placed his palm on the blondes head and pulled him into a hug.

-„felix, tell me what is going on, otherwise i cannot help you, even if i want to, so badly. just tell me, please"-said hyunjin while patting blondes head gently and rubbing his back softly. -„h-hyunjin"-said felix between sobs -„we have to break up"- that hit hyunjin like a immense boulder sisyphus had to roll up that hill. -„w-what? lix, you're joking right, please tell me this is another stupid joke of y-yours.."-he shook his head in disbelief, hoping it's april 1st and not 25th march.

-„n-no, hyunjin"-he paused -„please, don't make it any harder for me and just let me go"- mumbled felix trying to pull away from hyunjin, but he didn't let him go. -„h-how am i supposed to let you go just like that? are you crazy? after all these adorable moments and all we have been through i am supposed to resist and just let you go? you don't love me anymore? w-what's the matter felix?" -felix started to notice little tears building up in hyunjins eyes and all he wanted to do was to kiss them away, but he couldn't, so all he did was just stand up and try to leave until hyunjin stopped him. -„h-how can you be so reckless felix? why are you doing all of this..?"- at the sound of his lover choking on his own tears felix wanted to rip his own heart out and wait for hyunjin for eternity in the better paradise. -„felix, don't leave me..."-hyunjin tried to hold his hand but it was already too late, felix began to run away from him also choking on his own wails leaving the boy whom he loved the most in the park trying to survive sinking in the pool of salty water coming out of his eyes.

felix had now trouble breathing, he regretted his actions every single day. the face of devastated hyunjin was intruding him in his nightmares but something in his mind convinced him it was deserved. eventually he was the one that lead them to this heart-breaking situation but he was also the one that could save them.

after the miserable event hyunjin tried to contact felix in every way, starting from simply attempting to call him to sending letters which felix had never read, it's not like he didn't want to, he attempted to but no matter how much effort he put it he just was not capable of removing the damn loop and open it to then get acquainted with the content of the letter. maybe if he did it wouldn't led them to all this pain they were going through.

maybe if felix stood up for himself he wouldn't be here in australia crying over events from 2 years ago and instead be in korea along with the man he believed was destined for him.

maybe if he was brave enough to go against his parents all of this madness wouldn't happen in the first place.

but that doesn't matter now since he isn't able to fix it.

this is the end, hyunjin already got rid of him from his life.

-
sorry for any mistakes, english is not my first language😞