Ever since I was young, i've always had thoughts of suicide.
I mean I have an abusive alcoholic father who is always spending his days at the bar, leaving me to pay the bills for the house since he is always gambling.
One day, I almost ended it all.
-
My day started as normal. I woke up to my alarm to get ready for school. Everything seemed normal. No father. Just me and my dogs.
I walked into the bathroom so I can wash my face and brush my teeth. After I spit all the access toothpaste out of my mouth. I noticed my mouthwash was missing. I looked all over the bathroom.
Under the sink.
On the floor.
My last resort was the medicine cabinet. I reached for the small white nob and opened the cabinet.
There, lying in front of my eyes were 3 bottles of pain killers.
This was my moment.
I snatched a bottle that was about half way full and consumed every last pill from the small orange bottle. I snatched another bottle, consuming everything.
There.
I felt myself slipping away. I walked to my bedroom, got onto my knees and prayed that the lord forgave me for my sin.
"Amen."
I collapsed on my bedroom floor.
-
And that brought me to now.
Awake in a hospital bed.
"Maddie!" My bestfriend, Gemma, gasped while squeezing my hand. "Gems." I smiled. "You bitch!" She yelled standing up. I looked at her with confusion. "You tried to kill yourself!"
She went on and on about how she found me lying unconscious on my bedroom floor and blah.. blah.. blah..
"I feel like strangling you right now." She said, pacing around the room. "Fuck you Maddie."
-
A few days pass and the pain killers are out of my system which means i'm free to go home.
Gemma drove me to my house to drop me off. I started walking up to my door when I stop dead in my tracks. My father's truck was sitting in the driveway. I take a deep breath and walk to my front door. I hesitate for a second. A part of me wanted to walk straight to that bathroom and take another bottle of pain killers.
But I couldn't leave the world without saying goodbye to the people I love. And I just can't leave Gemma.
I open the front door and walk in. It's all quiet. I walked up the stairs to go to my bedroom when I hear my father yell my name from below. "Madeline Saige Black!" I turned around to see my drunk father at the bottom of the stairs. "Where the FUCK have you been!" He yelled. "A friends house." I said softly. Not trying to provoke him. "You're a pathetic excuse of a person." He said, flipping me off.
Well that was random.
I continued my journey to my bedroom. I shut the door behind me and locked it.
-
After about a week after the incident, I went back to school to get my life back to normal.
"Madeline!" My father yelled from outside my door. "Let's go, we are going to dinner!" He said as his footsteps receded.
We never go out to dinner. And he sounds strangely sober.
-
