Nocturne

〜Chapter 10〜

Back at the apartment, Tris sat on the worn-out couch, staring at his trembling hands. The room felt stuffy, and suffocating. Imogen had slipped off to her room, offering him space after their brief but strained walk home. Damien was sitting at the small table, swirling a glass of something dark—probably blood—but even his usual cheerful demeanor seemed subdued. Valerian stood by the window, his gaze distant, arms crossed tightly over his chest.

Both Veronica and Imogen headed off to their rooms, Imogen squeezing Tris's arm reassuringly when she left. After they left, no one spoke for what felt like an eternity.

Tris's mind kept replaying the scene over and over again. Alex's laughter, the way he had seemed so relaxed and comfortable, completely unaware of the danger he was in. And then, the warmth of the blood in Tris's mouth, the insatiable hunger that had taken over. The terrifying loss of control. How good it felt. 

He couldn't shake the feeling that he had become exactly what he feared. A monster. 

The thought twisted his insides, gnawing at him like a parasite feeding on his growing guilt. But that moment, when Alex's blood had hit his tongue, something primal had awoken inside him. A hunger so strong it drowned out everything else—his guilt, his morality, even his fear.

It wasn't just the loss of control that haunted him. It was the sickening truth that, deep down, some part of him had liked it. The power, the heat of the blood, the way it had quieted every other noise in his mind, filling him with something darker, something... more. He didn't have that feeling when he was a hunter. Back then, things were clear-cut. He was doing the right thing—protecting people, saving lives, fighting against the darkness. But now, he wasn't fighting it; he was the darkness. That power, the rush of blood, wasn't something a hunter was supposed to feel. He wasn't supposed to enjoy it.

And yet, he had and that scared the shit out of him. 

If this was what being a vampire meant, then what would he become? He had only just started, and already he had tasted something forbidden, something dangerous. How far could he fall if he wasn't careful?

The thing that terrified him most was that he wasn't sure he wanted to stop.

"You're sparling again," Damien pointed out. 

Tris blinked, snapping out of his spiraling thoughts. He hadn't realized that his hands were still trembling. He quickly clenched it into a fist, hoping to stop. 

"Sorry," Tris mumbled, trying to sound normal. He glanced at Damien, who was studying him with concern. 

"Look, man," Damien sighed, setting his glass down and walking over to Tris.

"I know it's hard. The first time is always rough. But you can't let this... one mistake define everything. You didn't kill him, alright? You stopped, not many fledging would. That's what matters."

Tris swallowed, shaking his head slightly. "I almost didn't. If Imogen hadn't stopped me—"

"But she did," Damien cut in, his voice firm but not unkind. Which surprised Tris. 

"And now you know what it feels like to get that close, so next time, you'll know how to control yourself," 

"Time?" Tris echoed hollowly, his mind still stuck on the image of Alex slumped on the ground. 

"I could have killed him, Damien. What kind of monster nearly kills someone and just... shrugs it off?"

Damien opened his mouth to respond, but Valerian beat him to it. 

"The kind of monster you were trained to hunt," he said coldly from his spot near the window. His gaze was sharp, piercing right through Tris like an accusation.